Trust me, if I could really reduce the amount that I see her, I would do it. It's the girls. I know that I just want to try to get them and go. But she just stalls it. I'm sure she could have had the girls ready to go today by the time I got there, but no. I just don't get her. She doesn't want me. She acts rudely to me. She has said unkind things to me. Her defenses are CONSTANTLY up with me. I would think that the least amount of time that I'm there would be fantastic for her.
Her fog is so F'ing thick that she needs those little automatic wipers on her glasses. Squeeek. Squeeek.
She made and brought dinner over the week before. She made dinner for us the Sunday we got back from the coast. She is talking about having dinner before I take the girls home each day this week.
It has to be about the girls. Not me.
She says one thing, but SOME of her actions are saying something else.
At least I think.
I DON'T deserve her.
I deserve much better.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
So next time she is acting like a total bitch, ask her if she washed it in hot water cuz it looks a little snug...not really going to further the goal, but the look on her face will be PRICELESS!!!!! Sorry, that wasn't nice, but think about it next time your in this situation and I guarantee you'll get a smile on your face!
The next time I see her wearing a tight shirt, I'm going to be thinking of you and lauging my ASS off, thank you very much!
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
So next time she is acting like a total bitch, ask her if she washed it in hot water cuz it looks a little snug...not really going to further the goal, but the look on her face will be PRICELESS!!!!! Sorry, that wasn't nice, but think about it next time your in this situation and I guarantee you'll get a smile on your face!
The next time I see her wearing a tight shirt, I'm going to be thinking of you and lauging my ASS off, thank you very much!
You are welcome! The best part...you will remember and you will get a smile on your face and it'll be even harder NOT to explain it....Mwuahahahahhaaaa! I'm going to get you into trouble.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
The way you are feeling around Y and B......that's how your W felt at the beginning, too....She, like you, was lacking in something. Looks like you got a choice to make. Do you start your single life (married single life) or do you do what you have to to try to save your marriage even if it seems hopeless?
Have you asked her her thoughts on retrovaille? Why make her come to you? Just ask her.
Why NOT make her come to me? I DID my part. As we agreed, the ball has been put in her court. Am I supposed to hound her? Do I keep on pursuing her and begging her? Because, no matter how I would put it, that is what it would be, I think.
I just don't know, dub. I'm not trying to start any single married, married single anything.
Just want to get on WITH a life. She is.
For her, something was lacking. A little this or a little that. For me and every LBS, A WHOLE FREAKIN' PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PERSON THAT HAS PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY REJECTED ME AND GAVE THEMSELVES TO SOMEONE ELSE PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY is missing. A person that has told me that I am the one standing between her and happiness. She purposly went seeking him out. I am not seeking anyone. I do NOT want any kind of relationship or drama in my life. I know I need time to spend figuring out myself. I'm just enjoying the company of others that care about me. Guys and gals.
But yeah, I fantisize. And I think that is all it is. Fantasizing about something missing in my life. Something missing that brings me joy. I don't call anyone(the alphabet girls). They call me. I just sit back and enjoy a fantasy.
My wife is happy. I want to be happy, too.
With her, I feel mixed emotions. I love her and I am angry at her. The ultimate betrayal between a husband and wife.
I think she is too far gone, dub. Only time will tell. I just don't think I want her right now.
And I hope that I'm not coming off as angry at you, dub. Your my Guardian Angel. I was just venting.
Like I said, I think I'm just crazy. Like Suga
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
But yeah, I fantisize. And I think that is all it is. Fantasizing about something missing in my life. Something missing that brings me joy. I don't call anyone(the alphabet girls). They call me. I just sit back and enjoy a fantasy.
Maybe thats where it starts. With a fantasy. What is a fantasy? Something that is not reality, not the truth and not usually what we have. She says you stand between her and happiness? Well that and a buck-fifty will get you a cup of coffee. Of course she is going to say that because what she fails to realize is that its not you that stands in her way, its her. She needs to get her taste of her "fantasy." She may think OM is her chance at happiness or whatever BS DAFT thing her fogged out mind thinks at the moment, but the reality is this...She let her unhappiness with her situation and fantasy life overtake her reality. She is lacking in some way and rather than face it and try and fix it, she ran and got a band-aid. Did it fix it? No. Did the troll-aid my H picked fix it? Nope. Is it our fault? Is it our mess to clean up? Nope. Therein lies the rub. We know how to fix it and want to, but can't...so frustrating.
You and I both deserve so much more, but yet our hearts hang on. We both are too accomodating and still are enmeshed in our WAS lives. We're not crazy H4H, we are scared. Scared spitless that if we really just drop the rope and let them go, that they won't come back. I can't speak for you, but we seem to go through a lot of the same emotional ups and downs. Its hard to GAL, when they were such a big part of the life you had.
I understand about wanting someone to love and someone to love you back...trust me, I get it. I also know though, that if I allow myself to crack that door open, the results will be devastating. One of the biggest reasons I don't/haven't even tried to start thinking about someone else is I don't want to ever to to someone else what has been done to me. I don't ever want the knowledge that I used someone else to make me feel better. I'm not saying that you would do that, its just how I feel. I don't feel I can legitimately start trying to make those kinds of connections until this situation I'm in, is done. I would hate to drag someone else into this drama and all it would do is jack up any potential R I would have with someone else.
I'm rambling here, but you know my heart is in the right place (I hope). Just be sure that you are basing your thoughts and actions in reality, not fantasy and give yourself a chance to heal from one situation before beginning another. Thats all...
BTW...your W is not happy, she puts on a good dog and pony show, but shes not happy, just so you know.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I understand about wanting someone to love and someone to love you back...trust me, I get it. I also know though, that if I allow myself to crack that door open, the results will be devastating. One of the biggest reasons I don't/haven't even tried to start thinking about someone else is I don't want to ever to to someone else what has been done to me. I don't ever want the knowledge that I used someone else to make me feel better. I'm not saying that you would do that, its just how I feel. I don't feel I can legitimately start trying to make those kinds of connections until this situation I'm in, is done. I would hate to drag someone else into this drama and all it would do is jack up any potential R I would have with someone else.
... BTW...your W is not happy, she puts on a good dog and pony show, but shes not happy, just so you know.
H4H,
S&S has said it all right there. You do not want to sink into the pit. Would it ease the pain? temporarily, no doubt. But I think you (and S&S and me and [add many many names here]) would regret that immensely - we are better than that.
For what it is worth...
I see a lot of my W in GBG - the "happy attitude", the "I'll take care of it", the "this is what I want", but I agree with S&S for you - your W is not happy. (FWIW, I think my W is very lost and is losing more everyday, especially where the K's are involved).
Stay strong bud.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
(((H4H))) LIS W is beginning to see the consequences and doesn't like them. GBG hasn't really begun to see it yet, but she is going to. Just by your posts. The girls gravitate to you. You are their rock, their stability...the go to guy. She is not and they know it. She is seeing them withdraw from her, but hasn't quite put her finger on why... Give her the rope to hang herself with (figuratively speaking ) and she will.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
) and she will.