Too late for DB, #10

[cw68]

I'm definitely not ready for the kids to meet the OW yet. I don't even know if she's "safe" to be around. There is a difference, though. The OW was an OW during our marriage. I had no OM, I just now have a BF.

It's not the time yet to introduce BF to the kids, and when I do it will be as a friend. While my D7 knows his name, I have lots of friends who are men so it won't be too weird in that respect. Three of my good friends, with whom I do things weekly, are men and my kids have met all three. They have also met their wives, though they know I do stuff with them without their wives. (I'm kind of a tomboy. I play volleyball and do bar trivia and monthly beer tasting with these guys.) So I don't think the first meeting would be too weird. I don't think BF would want to be holding my hand or anything around them.

I'm thinking maybe we could go to a Cal or Stanford football game all together. Hmm. That's a thought. I don't want it to be during an important date for them. I thought about bringing them to a soccer game, but then STBX would be there and it would be weird. Not to mention BF would only be able to meet the one who wasn't playing.

[MichelleLT]

Yes, it's different cuz you waited til he filed.

But to the kids...he's still an OM.

What you laid out above sounds like a good plan. I vote no on the soccer game, the football sounds good though.

(((CW)))

[cw68]

There's a Cal home game Oct 4th and a Stanford game Nov 15th. I think I'll keep these dates in mind. If things are smooth and it seems right in October, then I'll do the Cal game. If I feel it's not right, then the November game will work.

[MichelleLT]

Those sound like good options down the road.

Good to take it slow.

When is the D going to be final?

[cw68]

It won't be for six months, he served me last Thursday.

[MichelleLT]

And you are letting it go to default since you have a settlement? So just the 6 months and 1 day waiting period?

I know, random questions. Lol.

I'm in a random mood today. It's Monday haha.

[cw68]

Yep, that's what it looks like right now.

[cw68]

I feel like I'm starting to come out of a tunnel. Had it out, big-time, with the STBX last night and it was good. I swear, our whole relationship would be approaching problems, but never getting through them. Our conversation was difficult and painful for both of us, and it was probably our biggest fight ever. Afterwards both of us thought we got to a better place. It was a first to hash through problems instead of just rehashing them. It's still not a good place, but better. I don't want to say never, but I don't think I will ever forgive him for his actions. Period.

However, each hit gets less painful. My life is becoming more real. I'm still afraid of the future, but believe in myself. I'm girding myself up for a tough road, a road I know I'm going to be on for a ways and I'm trying to lighten my load so I can travel it with less stress. We'll see.

[Kalni]

I was talking to my BGF tonight. We talked about how scared I was a year ago. How things have changed for me. You know what? Things have not really changed for me and if they did, they did for the worse with my dad being sick and knowing now I may lose him and my marriage definitely ruined for ever. BUT, the way I chose to see things has changed. For good. For ever. It was the only thing I could have done and I did it. Painful process, very many "low points", fear, uncertainty but not anymore. Things can only get better. We said we would remind each other...
K

[cw68]

I remember how scared I was at first, how I thought I just "couldn't" without STBX loving me/in my life.

Now? Well, I don't miss him that much. I miss things from long ago. I miss the wonder, when the world was our oyster and all the potential we once felt. But I don't miss him

However, I'm living all the stuff I wanted to avoid: single parenthood, the fallout on the kids, the fighting between us, the financial ramifications, just the day-to-day effort with splitting up our family.

I know I'll never like it, but it is what it is. Life moves on, even when life's dealt you a completely unfair, unjust thang.