Thanks for your support and understanding. I've been following your threads as well and I wanted to let you know that your "Food for Thought" post was helpful and gave me a lot to think about.
My wife stated last night that she feels like we're not even friends. I don't understand that because I think that we're great friends - just not when it comes to the intimacy issue. That's apparently all she sees. Doesn't she understand that if she would only do something to try and address that issue there would no longer be any threat of an argument over it? We can go a month getting along wonderfully, with no mention of sex whatsoever, and when the subject of sex does come up I find out that none of my efforts to be a friend over the past month have even been noticed. She has a lot of stress at work right now and I've concentrated on being supportive, just listening, and not offering advice or trying to fix her problems. On the rare occasion that we've gone to bed together, I've just laid there with her and talked, without laying a hand on her. She knows that I'll do anything she ever asks of me without complaining one bit, and I do a lot of things for her that she doesn't ask for. How can I be any better friend? It seems to me that the only way I can be the friend she wants is if I can lose all desire to be intimate with her - and I can't do that!
I don't feel like she's a friend to me - my friends care about me and hurt with me when I'm hurting. But if it weren't for the impact that it has on her, my wife couldn't care less that I'm hurting. I'm tempted to say "Fine, if you won't even consider working on our intimacy issues until we become better friends, then consider me nothing but a roommate from now on". I'm tempted to move into another bedroom so she'll never have to go to bed afraid that I might touch her. I may even take a week of vacation and just go somewhere nice by myself. I've let her know that I'd love to take her places so that we can spend some time together without the kids, but what's the point if she can't even have fun because she's so afraid that I might want to have sex with her. I'm just so sick of hoping things will get better only to find that I'm still doing everything wrong! For her to care enough about me to work on what's bothering me, everything in her life must first be perfect. But it never will be, and I can't do anything to change that. If I do everything possible to make her life perfect, she'll still have problems at work, get mad at the girls, not get enough sleep, not feel good about half the time, etc. Sometimes I feel like just giving up.
Guess I'd better get back to work. I apologize for ranting.
