I've been keeping up with your thread(s), and my heart goes out to you. I'm an LDer, my H is the HDer.
I don't know that you 'screwed up' this weekend...you tried and I don't think anyone would blame you for that. Pick yourself up and go back to your plan. Get out of the house as much as you can this week, with or without your kids...but go do stuff...and smile even if it kills you.
As an LDer, I can tell you that when you told your wife you wanted to make love to her that night, you left a big 'ole expectation smack dab on her shoulders. And if she had any inclination at all, you probably killed it with that announcement.
Is that fair? Hell, no. But I can tell you as someone who has been through this, I resented the heck out of my H's expectations...and if he told me he wanted to make love to me, it KILLED whatever miniscule amount of drive I had left.
Now that I've read the book, I understand that sex goes well beyond the physical release for him. I can deal with that. What I find very, very sad, is that he has not spent one/tenth the time on his part of the book...to understand me.
When our numbers start to fall, I can tell by his actions and words that all he is trying to do is figure out a way to get me to want to have sex with him. He is so transparent it hurts. Even though I think I have tried to turn myself inside out to increase our frequency as much as possible, I can't tell you the last time he called a sitter for us to go out on a date. Now, can I do that just as easily as he can? Of course. But it's the effort that counts with me...that speaks to me. Not necessarily the date itself.
I guess I don't really have any advice for you, and I'm sorry for it. There has to be giving on boths sides in order to solve a problem. And if she is unwilling or unable to understand you, then all you can do is work on yourself and your own happiness. The one road that would take you directly to Happiness Central is closed to you. So start focusing on exploring other avenues, other roads, and turn all your attention onto yourself and your kids. That's all you can do in this sitch.
The only other choices you have are to have an affair or get out of your marriage. I hope you resist both of these options because the reprecussions of both are extraordinarily painful. The reprecussion of the first option...well...I think it can only bring you positive results, regardless. (Of course, it's the hardest option, and probably the one that will take the longest in bringing about results, too).
