Seperated but living together...

[Kiki1011]

I have been trying to have as little contact as possible with H since last post and remain upbeat in his presence and GAL. It seems like the more I avoid him and GAL and everything the more he gets upset and pushes for D even more. He put the house up for sale this week and keeps asking me for money to do things like paint the outside of the house so it will sell easier. He even made threats in a text that if I don't pay him now he will just sue me in the divorce and the courts will make me pay half of everything I didn't pay for. I laughed and never responded to his text.

Last night we talked on the phone (I was out of town last night). And he was telling me he was going to cancel my phone me and getting angry with me. I remained calm. Then he said "even though the court won't grant a divorce while you are pregnant I just want you know I am at least filing this week...I want this final as quick as posible" I responded with "ok, me too". Then he made an extrememly hurtful comment, he basically told me that he was hoping I would lose the baby sometime soon so this can get over with faster. I still managed to remain calm and merely said "ok, is that all you needed because I am in the middle of something" then hung up.

I had a 3.5 hour drive home and I cried almost the entire time. I haven't cried since my last post. I feel so sad right now and a lot of that is sadness for him not me. What has happened to this man who used to be so loving, considerate, and caring? He doesn't even want to have anything to do with his baby. How must he be feeling inside to make such hurtful comments or even have such thoughts? I pray that he finds himself before he hits rock bottom because he is losing all of the people around him (friends and family) very quickly. I want him to be happy, even if I'm the one who can't do that for him. Should I tell him I still love him and want to work on M? Or just let it be? What's done is done I guess.

I feel so exhausted and so lost right now. I'm looking for apartments this weekend. I want out of that house.