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[RSmiles]

So, today I went to a friend of my family's 50th anniversary party. This has been anniversary week for me or something- first my (former) anniv, then my parents anniv and then the friend's anniv. I've been plastering smiles on my face all week and trying to hold it together. Yes, I am happy for those who are happy but it really makes me wonder what has happened to people's sense of commitment to an M with so many D's going on now. That makes me sad. Why are sbtx's so easily ready to give up, throw it away?

[cat03]

Why are sbtx's so easily ready to give up, throw it away?

it's more complex than that hon, lots of things lead up to what happened, add to that the baggage we each carry since childhood and it is a pretty hard thing to figured out.
Your time is best spent on building yourself hon, try not to dwell on what is gone and cannot be changed

[RSmiles]

Thanks cat! I was definitely in a low spot the other day, better today. Got an all business email from stbx today, he's actually paying off his part of a huge past due bill soon. Funny, now that I'm gone he's actually becoming responsible and borrowing money to pay off bills. Wow.... well that's a blessing for me b/c I did not need to have my credit get worse. It's also clear that he was completely using me in our R money-wise. Whatever, that's over now though. (For anyone who's followed my sitch- in my M I paid for most of the bills and stbx could care less about past due debt. I would try to talk about it and he would just get mad and say he had no money.) Wow, I just hope he can refinance the house then like he supposedly plans to. Maybe he'll borrow the money for other bills too? Could I be so lucky?!
On another note, it feels so weird to be so close to someone for so long and then all the sudden practically become strangers with virtually no contact. In my sitch, I live over 2,000 miles away from stbx now, and we've emailed a couple times only. It does make it easier to move on, but it also brings on the feelings of a dramatic 'loss' which makes me reflect a lot and think way too much about our M. Stbx is 'gone' from my life now, he sends business emails to tie up our financial affairs and that's it. As for the moving on part, I had a great time tonight meeting some new people in my career field at a meetup event held at a coffee shop. Already got invited by a couple people to an art gallery night and then another group dinner event tomorrow. Not dates, just a group of new friends to hang out with. It feels so good to be getting out and making new friends!! I think I can handle this!

[Trip]

You are handling it, RJ!

Glad you are meeting new people and getting out. That helps a lot, too.

[cat03]

glad you have so much to look forward to , the loss feeling is understandable, I mean, we thought we'd die with our Ss, but nothing is written on store, we just have a new path before us, and we'll do great.

[RSmiles]

So, I've been doing pretty good lately. Not a lot to post. Stbx is still in some dreams, but I feel detached and positive about my independent life ahead. I can envision a happy picture with improvements in many categories in my life. Focusing on the improvements. Not blaming stbx, but feeling like I have new options that were not easily available before. Things I've always wanted in my life but were not possible with stbx or in my old city. It's so easy to meet new people lately. Maybe it's because I'm reaching out and looking for them in a way I've never done before. But, I've found many new groups (both professional and social). Saw an old friend recently who used to live in my old city and now lives in my new city. It really helps that I moved to a better city than I used to live in with stbx- that I'm far away and can feel like there are new, better things here for me!!!

[cat03]

funny you mentioned dreams, I finally dreamed that stbx and I are done, my subconcious finally caught up... isnt' that weird? it took 6mths for my mind to understand that that chapter of my life is over.

I'm so glad to hear you are doing well at the new city! more blessings your way))))))))))

[RSmiles]

Update- Going forward. I now have promising leads in my new job search- two new contacts, a new friend and a staffing agent I met both have jobs they are recommending me for. Then, I've been meeting tons of new people at meetup groups and special interest groups in my area. It's really fun. I find myself actually forgetting about stbx for periods of time. Yes, there are some frightening moments when something reminds me and then I have those 'what if' if could be fixed nonesense thoughts all over again. But, somehow I've been able to contain those and then they drift away. So, I'm looking onward and upward to a new job, then my own place and maybe even a new doggy friend. The more I focus on my new life, the more it happens!

[cat03]

you sound awesome, before you know it you will be able to recall the past without hurt/anger/condemnation. That's when you'll know you are free))))))))))))))))))