You used strategies last time and won her back, but didn't really undergo any deep personal change. She didn't undergo any real change or ephiphany, she never faced consequences for her actions, she simply got disillusioned with OM and decided she would "will" herself into becoming a wife again. Neither of you changed or really grew stronger, the same dynamics applied and the same drama played itself out three years later. You think you changed, and you really didn't -- you just spent yourself trying to save the marriage. She thought she had changed, and really didn't -- she resigned herself to "be a wife", to use her language.
I think this is probably the best explanation of how the cycle continued. And this time I'm not using 'strategies', at least not now. There is still something inside me that says she isn't done yet. I think she's lost and running away. and reacting to me.
However, it may just be that she's slowly working her way out of her attachment. It's hard to say.
She called me this morning to tell me she was coming over to pick up D13 to go school supply shopping. I was home when she got there and she was pleasant to me, I was pleasant to her.
On the side of our house we had a pile of all kinds of junk that has been there for at least a year. My neighbor got a big dumpster because he was remodeling and I paid him some $$ so I could put all this junk in it.
I told W it was all gone and she was thankful, thanking me for 'taking care of that'. Why? She doesn't live here. It's those kinds of things that keep me thinking she is still connected.
Most WAW's don't care what you do after they're gone.
Oh, and a minor correction Theo. We have split 3 times, but it's been 2 affairs not 3.
Anyway, I do see that I need to be alone for a while and sort myself out. I miss her and I really don't know what the outcome will be. What I do know is that I've learned a lot about what it takes to be in a marriage and how I need to treat my next partner, be it W or someone new.
