Oh I'm a big softie! Just not when it comes to manipulative women. (They remind me too much of myself.)
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Ok, I'll try to put the past few days into words, if I can remember how it all happened.
Saturday, she was texting me all day. Well, a lot more than she ever has when her new guy is around. I knew it was kind of odd. I had plans to go over to a friends house that evening. Before I left, I sent her a text teasing her about something. She replied by telling me that I wasn't right (her way of laughing about it) and then told me she is having second thoughts. I asked her about what and she told me Aaron and everything. At first I thought she was joking, and I told her that. She said that she was dead serious and was having a change of heart.
It was probably good timing that I was getting ready to leave so I told her I was heading out and would have to talk to her later. She said that was ok because it was too much to discuss through text anyway.
So I went to a friends house, and we played cornhole (bags, corntoss, or whatever everyone else calls it) and had a few drinks. I turned the ringer on my phone off in case she contacted me. One, I didn't want to be distracted by thinking about her while I was out having fun, and Two, I didn't want to respond right away to her if she did contact me. I was there until around 1:30 and decided to head home. She had sent me two texts while I was there, just random stuff, but again, it was odd because her new guy was with her.
I didn't respond to them. I got home and walked in the house and she sends me another text asking if I was home yet. I did respond to that one. She started talking about her new guy and how she was having second thoughts again. I told her I didn't know what to say, because I really couldn't give her unbiased advice. She told me that it's hard, because she tries not to compare us, but his lack of physical affection, or affection at all, was a complete 180 from me. Again, I told her I didn't know what to say, becuase I tried. I told her that all I knew was that I loved her like nothing else and did my best, but evidently I wasn't doing it right. She told me that she knew I loved her, and that I still might. She said that she loved me too, and always will, but something was missing. We discussed things a little bit more and then I fell asleep. I was trying to end the convo, but hadn't actually said goodbye. I had told her I would have to talk to her later though. She said she wanted to talk to me on Sunday if I was available. I told her that I would be later in the afternoon probably.
When I woke up, she had sent me another text thanking me for talking to her because she didn't have anybody other than me to talk to. There was also another text that said, "nite babe!"
Sunday I wake up and head to church. After church we had our fantasy football draft (yeah, I'm a football nut) so I stuck around for it. While there she sent me a text asking if I was busy. I told her I wouldn't be available until 4 or 5. She sent me a few more texts asking if I was doing my draft, and things like that. I told her I was and told her I would let her know when I was done.
After I was finished, I sent her a text to let her know. She asked if I wanted to do something. I asked her what she had in mind. She told me that she wanted to have dinner or something and talk. I told her that would be ok. She wanted to take a nap first (still on heavy pain killers) and she would call me around six or seven.
I headed home and did my usual sunday routine (laundry, cleaning, etc.) until she called. She wanted me to come pick her up since she can't drive yet due to the meds. Her parents are still staying with her and she has been keeping me a secret from them (yeah, more of me being the OM). So I pick her up and we go to dinner. We chatted for a bit and then she asked me where she should start. I asked what she meant. She said she knew that I have a hundred questions, so what did I want to know. I thought it was odd how she was putting it on me. I told her I didn't have any questions.
She starts in on how she thinks she is making a mistake. She tells me that he reminds her of one of her friends who is gay. She says he is very feminine in his actions, but likes to do manly things too. He never kisses her on the lips, shows no interest in her physically, but he says nice things randomly. She gave a lot of examples of this stuff too, but that was the gist of it. She complained about how picky he is about stuff, like service at restaurants, driving, etc. and is very critical of everybody. She told me that I make things hard on her. I was confused when she said this. I asked her how and she said I just do.
So we finished eating and I asked her if she wanted me to take her home, or if she wanted to stay out for a bit. She told me she didn't want to go home yet, but didn't want to stay out too long. So we headed to starbucks and had some coffee and chatted. The time there wasn't too much about him, although some of it was. We joked around and laughed. She told me it felt good to laugh, and she liked how we could tease each other. She talked about job shopping in this area, how he wanted to move in but she didn't want him to, etc. She also talked a lot about her surgery. At one point she said that it might sound shallow, but she feels like she wasted it on someone who could care less. I told her she looked nice, and she thanked me for it. She said, "Wait until you see them with my shirt off." I asked her who said I would be seeing her with her shirt off. She said, "nobody"...and I said, "exactly."
I did tell her that I was curious as to what they felt like though. That was probably my biggest slip up. I didn't meant it in a sexual manner, but I was curious. At one point I told her I was curious as to what was running through her head. She told me that she didn't think living in this area was a good idea. I asked her why and she told me that it was basically because of me, that she could see herself having an affair with me. I told her that wasn't a possibility because I hold a little more value than a sex toy. She agreed.
I know I'm leaving out a lot, but I can't remember exactly what all happened. I know that we ended our time at Starbucks by not really talking about her situation, just chatting and laughing and having a good time.
When we left, I did kiss her goodbye. She kissed me back with a kiss that was a lot more than a goodbye kiss...and then told me again that I made things extremely hard on her.
Today she has been texting a pretty much all day. Starting with this morning on my way to work. She has made some sexual comments and I've tried to just act like they didn't exist, but I can't say that I completely ignored them all. I did tell her at one point that I didn't want to be the affair, or just used for sex. She said that if she wasn't dating it wouldn't be a problem and that she needed to figure out what she wanted to do with that situation first. I don't think I even replied to that.
So that's pretty much the story of the weekend. Like I said, I know I'm leaving a bunch out probably, and it might not be in chronological order, but those are the events that took place.
She commented about having feelings for me, she commented about being frustrated about him and that she thought he is a mistake, she acted at some points like she wasnt interested in me, and then on the other hand, she acted like she was thinking about me a lot, and it was making things hard on her.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Do you think you might want to step back and stop contact with her. She needs some time to herself to think. Maybe you could tell her that you both need a week of NC to evaluate things???
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Last night, I fell asleep watching TV. Woke up around 1 and got ready for bed. I plugged my phone in because it was dead, and she had sent me a text around 11 telling me that she told her new guy that it wasn't a good idea for him to move in. I did reply to this asking her if she was still awake. She happened to be so I asked her about it.
She told me that she told him and he didn't take it well. He told her that he feels like she is pushing him away, to which she told me that she thinks she is. She said it is hard to tell him ILY back when he says it. I asked her why it was hard, and she said because she didn't feel like she loved him.
At one point she turned the convo sexual, and I told her that I wasn't going to do anything until she figured her situation out with her new guy first. She told me she whole heartedly agreed that that was a good idea.
Before we ended the convo, she told me that she loved how comfortable I made her feel and how open she could be around me.
I didn't expect to hear from her for quite some time after that convo last night. It usually seems like when she opens up like that, then she retreats for a while. She hasn't done that this time. She's been texting me all morning again. Just random stuff, asking about my day, telling me about hers, etc.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
OK. I'm going to take this opportunity to be a 7yr old and say, "I told you so!"
There. Didn't I say that once you made it clear to her that you are not going to play second fiddle, that she'd come around? I believe if you hadn't stood up the way you did, she'd still take both of you. But, you've made her make a choice, and she's thinking. Now back off and let her miss you a bit.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I agree with ladybug. It's time to take a step back. She really needs some time to think and process. If she comes back, you want it to be because she knows that's what she wants, not because it's whats easy.
