I can't imagine how painful this must be right now. Please think this all through very carefully before making a decision about how to respond though. They may be just friends, even if he does have feelings for her. As just friends it probably seems normal to your SIL to be in contact with her.
Your H has said he no longer wants to try, but isn't actively pursuing D either. The last time that you brought this girl up, things did not go well for your situation it sounds like. Again unless their relationship is going to be a deal breaker (which it doesn't sound like it is), I would be very hesitant to bring this up. This sounds bad, but I know that I read this in DR and on another successful DBer's post. What is it about this OW that you think would attract him? Are there things that you think she represents to him that you do not? Can you take some of these characteristics and integrate them into the way you interact with him? I know it isn't fair, but you have an opportunity tomorrow night to really show your H what he is missing. If you focus on OW, I think you are unlikely to get the response you are looking for, unless you are actually willing to walk away if he is involved--if you make this threat and you are ready to follow through.
Really sorry you have to deal with this. Please let us know what you decide to do.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
