Coming from a woman who is not on the defensive, I think this approach is very non-aggressive with a touch of humor added in.
Coming from a woman who might be on the defensive, I still think this approach is very non-aggressive with a touch of humor added in.
Nop, you are trying to honestly and lovingly communicate with your wife, but for whatever reason, she may not see it that way. It could very well be that she feels deflated because she felt like she reached into herself, made huge changes, did what you asked her to do out of her love for you, and still it isn't enough.
What I see, and this is just my opinion, is the two of you have only treated a symptom (frequency of sex), and you have not yet gotten to the real issue between you: trust, honesty, and open communication.
So perhaps, rather than attacking this from the 'sex' standpoint, you can talk with her about how the two of you communicate. I would imagine that she holds things back, and doesn't say what she feels to you because she doesn't want to 'mess up' the progress she feels she has made. Hence the plate throwing scene the other day. This is a woman who is feeling exceedingly frustrated. What I want to know is, WHY?
WHAT is she feeling, and HOW can you lovingly and honestly hear her so the two of you can work through that? If she feels as though you HEAR her, and that you are on her side trying to work with her feelings, that begins to build trust. You two have to get to a point where you don't feel as though you have to 'defend' your feelings to one another. Rather, you get it out on the table, and the two of you go, hm, how are we going to work with this together?
I think she isn't getting creative in the bedroom because she only trusts you to a point. She doesn't feel 'safe' being creative.
From her side, you handing her that book could be like you saying, okay, here are my needs and I'd really appreciate it if you met them. She's going to see that list and she's going to feel like a failure. Again. (Just guessing on my part).
Now. Do you have it in you to get her to a point where she can talk to you freely and honestly about her feelings regarding sex, trust, how you communicate, WITHOUT you passing judgment and not getting defensive? Hey, it is VERY hard to do. But there could be some things you hear that you think to yourself, you know, I could change that about myself if I thought it might help. And I'm not talking about doing more household chores, or painting the fence outside. I'm talking about subtle things like maybe changing your tone of voice, or giving her more encouragement, or something...
There is a fear she is dealing with that to her is very real, and it is my guess that that fear is more of trusting YOU than it is of sex (although I'm sure there's something there, too).
I mean, she obviously trusts you to a point. But I think there is a good portion of the iceberg here below water that you haven't even touched.
Find the REAL fear and deal with that, and I think you have an enormous opportunity to have the marriage you've always wanted.
