Hi NG, glam, peace and sh- Sunday was 18 months since the bomb. Those of you who have kept up with my sitch know that this has been a very slow process for my H since he was cycling back and forth for about 8 or 9 months. I think it was around April or May when things seemed to be getting better more consistantly...even more in the last month or so...but even though we are getting more comfortable around each other, I still don't see him rushing to move back in with me any time soon. However, I do see that he is thinking about things.
My H did come to the party I threw for my S's team on Saturday. My H was a huge help doing all of the grilling. When he showed up, he actually brought my birthday present...he was very sweet and wanted to give me his gift before the party since he thought it could be used it for the party...he got me outdoor speakers and a nice reciever. It was sooo sweet of him and I completely appreciate it...and it is a gift that he will probably enjoy as well if he is spending time here.
My H did spend the night again. It is tough to get used to sleeping together again. It took me a long time to fall asleep and then once I did, I think he tossed and turned. He said he thought he didn't sleep well due to the alcohol he consumed Saturday night. but he did say he was feeling more comfortable sleeping at my house.
So, on to my birthday...it started out great. H sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday first thing. Then my D called (my kids were with their dad). After that I got up and found that my S had snuck in the house in the middle of the night and put up some decorations (one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me). Later my mom, my sister and my niece came over for lunch. Early evening, I met my H for C...at moments it was difficult and I had to suck it up. My H said how he thought that I have changed because I really listen to him and accept what he says or what he wants to do. Since it was my birthday, I decided to be a little more bold. I asked when I would be able to discuss how I feel about things. The C and my H made me feel like I should be able to talk about things...the C discussed how we need to find a way to resolve conflicts that works for both of us. After the C, my H and I went to dinner. My H and I talked about how he has a conference to go to starting this Thurday and ending late Saturday and how he is going to a baseball game tonight. I said something about when we would see each other next and my H said that we could plan something for next Monday. I decided to test the waters with my H and tell him in the most benign way possible that I was disappointed to not be seeing him for a week. He then proceeded to tell me that I was being brat-like and how he thought I was somehow attacking him. His reaction kind of threw me and I did get a little visable upset which didn't help the situation but I held it together enough to let my H know that I can handle conflicts in a mature way...even if he didn't.
My H ended up apologizing and acknowledging that he still needs to work on some issues. I just think it is interesting that most people would choose to appreciate that someone is disappointed that they won't see you for a week...how does someone view that as an attack?
My H called me just to talk to this morning. So, I am hopeful that some progress was made over the last few days. My H wrote in my birthday card "I know things are different but let's just keep working on everything."...so we will keep working.
This still isn't easy...and I just hope this is all worth it in the end. Right now I wonder if my H and I will ever be ready to live together again.
