I really don't know what I should apologize for. I have been a good husband to her. I have provided very well, and I suspect I have been much more attentive to her needs than the large majority of men are to thier wives. I have not been perfect, but I have addressed all the issues she had with me.
I can only see my side of things and therefore observe situations onesidedly, however, it would appear that I didn't deserve 10 years of sleeping alone, or mostly disfunctional sex.
I do realize that we have stepped beyond the vast wasteland of no-sex, but we have stepped into the valley of problems with sex. I suspect both sets of problems originate from the same core. I am also about to concur with cemar that there indeed, may be no cure.
As a guy, I have heard numerous times, from other guys, "there is no such thing as bad sex". That is patent BS. I have also heard that bad sex is better than no sex. Well, I hate to tell you folks that are hurting for any sex at all, that bad sex isn't a good substitute for no sex. The only difference I can detect between the two is that certain parts ache less while others ache more.
Right now, I can barely stand to look at her. I desperately want to be satisfied with what she is offering, but I know that it will ultimately take away a fair part of what makes me, me. On the other hand, I don't want her to have to be something that she is not, or was and isn't now. Hard to figure it all out. Sometimes I think I know what it must be like to find out that you married a person destined to become a transsexual.
Since logic and applied science (psychological) doesn't appear to provide any solid answers, I am compelled to ask again what the source of the real problem is. I don't think she has been totally forthcoming with me. I don't know what secrets lie undetected in the past, but secrets have a nasty habit of leaving snail like trails.
You are right about the note being harsh, Jiji, but at this stage, I tire of being nice or civilized. I don't even think of myself as angry any longer. Indeed, I think I have moved much closer to disgust. No relationship will handle disgust for very long.
I do find myself avoiding fomula sexual encounters more and more. Sexual avoidance is a behavior I am learning. The idea of formula sex disgusts me. Maybe I am a closet LD...
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
