If you read some of my other posts both here Another NOPkins thread and In other threads (Corri and others), you will see me bounce up and down a good bit.
My biggest problem right now is forgiveness and trust. The trust part is getting better. I still struggle some with forgiveness. It still offends me that I suffered and our relationship suffered terribly when a simple choice could have derailed the runaway early on in our little decent into hell.
Regardless, I am determined to get past it. Big tough guys can get their little feelings hurt too...
As for what has been said beetween us, I couldn't begin to count the words. Endless conversations where problems were repeatedly outlined but never resolved. I guess that disqualifies me as an outstanding example :-]
A couple of years ago, I called my wife at work and told her that we "needed to talk". She was so aware of the sexual issues in our relationship that she left work in emotional turmoil, sure I was going to announce my intentions to divorce. Actually, I just wanted to make yet another demand for a return to some semblance of normalcy. I couldn't understand how she could continue on in sexual limbo, even when it was obviously tearing us apart.
Years of sexual tension between us (the bad kind) will take many years to heal. We still aren't there yet. We have a ways to go, BUT, we are progressing.
I don't know if we will ever get sexually adventurous again. One can only hope.
The turning point in our relationship came shortly after seeing Michele on tv. I ordered the book immediately. I think she finally realized that the problems in our marriage where not unique. That, I believe, caused her to realize that it was time to 'fix' our relationship.
To reiterate, getting a mess like sexual compatability issues resolved in a marriage will be a major battle for the majority of people. Some will experience a quick fix. Most won't. At least Michele's book can act as a catalyst to bring the issues to light in a troubled relationship. That in and of itself is no small feat.
It seems that I have had to 'fight' on one front or another all my life. Many times, the fights came to me. We all fight for what we want and need. At my core, I do believe that a marriage is worth fighting for. Like many in the heat of battle, I sometimes waffle about in the middle of the carnage, but the fight is still worth the effort, and a bit of waffling doesn't alter that fact at all.
A number of times, I have pushed our relationship to the breaking point in an effort to fix it. She didn't realize until late in the battle that she had pushed me to the breaking point. In a HD vs LD relationship, one or both spouses may not be aware of just how deep the hurt runs.
Having said all that, I just repeat my point. A marriage is worth fighting for, and the time to start fighting is right now. Oh, and don't think you will survive the fight without at least a bloody nose and a bruise or two.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
