One of the hardest things I'm having to learn is that the kids have to develop their own relationship with each parent. Being flexible with your three year old wanting to spend extra time with his mom is wonderful co-parenting and respecting his needs. Telling your older son what he can and cannot say to his mom might be a different story.
In a divorce the kids are most important. But that does not mean we run interference on our spouses behavior. The kids have every right to ask, make demands of each parent. If it hurts you to listen, walk out of the room. Not putting the children in the middle is a delicate balance.
I try and be here to support, encourage or pick up the pieces for them. I know it's hard for them to come to me because they can still see I'm hurt. They love me, they love their dad. I do the best job I can. Like you, the kids know that I'm not going anywhere, that where I am is home.
Your wife's drama is hers and hers alone. Listen to your children, what they are saying in their words. Let them be the one to ask questions, not the other way around. Whenever my daughter shares some tidbit of her father's new life I die inside. It's just not good for me to go there. It's kind of like learning to listen to the melody, not the lyrics. The words aren't as important as how they're said.
