Limboland part 4

[bookpusher]

It has been weird lately. DD called from her work Saturday and asked if she could go with H. I said if she wants to but made the mistake of asking if it would be alone. No, she said. I told her that she knows how I feel about that but I won't stop her. Then H CALLED! The first time in 2 1/2 years and asked if he could pick up DD. I said whatever you want and started to hang up. He started blurting out that he will bring her home around 9:00 pm. I said ok and hung up. Then DD called back and said she would be home by 10:00 pm. I said ok. H brought her home around 9:10 pm. I have no idea what they did and didn't ask.

Yesterday, DD called. She had missed her bus and was going to walk to her work and wait until I got off work to pick her up. She wasn't working and this was around 8:00 pm. I said ok. Then she calls back and says that her dad was going to pick her up and take her home!!! I about fell off my chair. He hasn't done anything to help anyone out since he left so I said ok.

The bad part was I rolled up to the mailbox and there was a car with a woman talking to DD and a man standing outside the car. My brain refused to really look at the situation and I immediately "saw" H and his GF. They hugged DD, got into the car and left. DD went into the house through the garage and I immediately drove the car into the garage. When I got into the house 1 minute later DD wasn't anywhere to be seen. I found her in the computer room and immediately jumped on her saying "you couldn't even wait to greet me. What am I chopped liver". She said I didn't give her a chance! I went outside to feed the horses and got madder and madder so mad that I took a pitch fork and slammed it against the barn. No, I am not proud of this fact. Then I went inside and tried to talk to DD. When I finally listened, I found out it was it was her friend and her boyfriend. It sent me reeling because I realized how much I really am hurting about the whole situation. I can't even see what is in front of my face. I tried to apologize and explain how much I want to be with DD and that I feel all I get is pushed away, that she doesn't want to do anything with me (I have asked her to do somethings (one of 2 events I thought she would enjoy or anything she wants) with me next weekend but she doesn't want to do anything with me and that I am overwhelmed with my dad dying, medicad turned him down again due to my dumb error (I should have paid the nursing home $500 more), the house falling apart. I ended up asking for a hug which she refused to give. This morning she still refused to talk to me. I took her early to school and offered to buy coffee and donuts but she didn't want any. I was able to bite my tongue and didn't say "see you don't want to do anything with me" (hey, I am a slow learner but I do learn a bit) but I said I was getting off work early and did she want to be picked up. She mumbled yes.

I know I am prone to hurting her with words when I hurt and it is hard sitting in the sidelines watching all the other players having fun. Yes, I am doing stuff but the main people I want to play with, don't want to play with me. I am glad H and DD are reuniting and I know this is just a rough patch. I was talking to another friend the other day and said that once my dad dies, there will be no one left who cares about me. DD will be going to college in 2 years and hopefully having a great deal of fun. I have no brothers and sisters, etc. I know that I have to face this and that is the other leg of my problem.

On a more positive note: I went and got the artificial flowers for the gourd I painted and am going to enter in the state fair. It looks great! I am not getting my hopes up for any award though. Last time I entered, I won best of show (and H didn't even seem to care) and I can't imagine striking it two times but I like it and the girls at the craft store went oooohhhh and awww so I am happy.