The case could be made that numb is a good way to get used to a different level of pain. It works for stitches.
I think the real issue is realization that this may be as good as it gets. In all honesty, it isn't bad. Frequent sex and a happy wife isn't a bad situation to come home to. It could be and has been, much worse.
If her attitude was malicious, then I would have cause for concern. I don't think it is. The problem is that I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea of permanence. Our relationship could have been so much more.
Still, the fact remains that our relationship isn't bad, and only one of us is moderately unsatisfied with it. I don't know how I can ask her to be something that she isn't, and probably is incapable of becoming.
If I had it to do over, I wouldn't have gone down this road 28+ years ago, but I do love her, and for a large part of our relationship, we have been mostly happy. I really think I am pushing the edge of stability to ask for more.
As for removal of passion, that won't happen. What I hope to do is learn how to channel it in directions that are less troublesome.
I thought for a long time that her motivations were suspect. I really don't think they are, and likely never were. She finds a routine very managable and enjoyable. Maybe it is because the rest of her life is highly variable that she finds a routine stabiliziing. I wish the routine could have been washing the car on Saturday instead of sexual routine. As I have said previously, routine based sex is about as attractive to me as eating monkey brains.
It seems to me that I need to find a place of appreciation for how far we have come, and make some effort to maintain the status quo. Let's face it, trying to find a replacement part that will fit exactly, is unlikely in the extreme. People aren't perfect. I am sure she is living with unrealized potential due to my shortcomings as well.
Even with the logic applied, it still pisses me off, but I do realize that I need to get past it. My life, nor hers, will never be perfect. You can hope for more, but once you have the basics, anything more is just icing. Obsessing on the icing, from my vantage point, appears to be a huge waste of resources.
I appreciate your opinion, MP, but I think I will have to take "numb" over pain at least for a little while until some of the injury heals.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
