I will condense our progress for the sake of space...
Welp, we broke from the gate, fast and hard. For two months, our marriage was what it had been when we were dating...lots of sex, good conversations, laughing...and God, no stress.
In late May, our lives took a turn. In short, my H was promoted at work to the job he has been waiting for all his professional life...due to that, I was able to quit my job and start my own freelancing business. We talked long hours about our decisions, and we both felt really good about what we decided.
I knew his new position was going to create a whole new realm of stress for him, and I cautioned him many times that he would have to remain communicative...with me and those with whom he works. Verbal communication has never been one of his strong points, and I know when he gets stressed, it becomes even less so.
In June, our sex frequency began to slip. Mostly because he was dead tired from making this professional transition. I could see and feel him withdrawing into himself. I decided I would give him his space, try not to make demands on him, because I knew what he was facing at work.
Hindsite is 20-20, right? I suppose if I had to do it all over, I would have made the supreme effort of initiating sex as much as I possibly could. But I decided to let him determine the pace...
He took it as though I was withdrawing. Okay, that's NOT how I meant it...I thought he needed space...but what he needed was more physical contact for reassurance. Okay, I can deal. I thought I'd start again and do two-week challenge again.
But he seems to have changed....he has started complaining again, listing out for me his expectations, waiting for me to take the initiative, expecting back-rubs, foot-messages...he's looking for the old Porn tapes....and I think to myself, Oh God...
I don't enjoy Porn. Never have, never will. Period.
My immediate reaction was to fire back at him...but I've held my tongue because this path is worn very deep with us. And it gets us to the big Nowhere. Now I'm sitting trying to figure out what it is he wants from me. He's obviously having a hard time verbalizing it....hence his complaints. Thrown into all this is the stress of his new job. There are stresses for me as well, having started my own freelance business...and I think to myself, wow...what did we do to ourselves?
I am sorely tempted to fall into a grand ole pity party for myself...because I feel so unappreciated...I thought I had made a tremendous leap for him, for us, and now it seems like he is throwing it back in my face, saying that was good enough then, but it isn't good enough now....
However, I am proud to say that I am not venturing down the road of self-pity. There is an answer here, I know it.
I think that quantity of sex at first was what he needed because he was starved (and to be honest, so was I...I just didn't know it. And, it was good, too.)
But now, I think we are moving into the quality part of it. That's cool. I think maybe where we're hitting a cross-roads is the definition of what quality is??????
He does not realize right now how physcially agressive he is being...I feel like he wants to turn our bedroom into a Romper Room...the sheer physicalness he is seeking, the amount of passion he wants...I'm sure is his stress seeking an outlet. At least that is the way it feels. I feel completely overwhelmed by him...almost like I'm a passenger rather than a participant. I'm not up on level 10, though, and it seems he is angry at me because I'm not.
Now I feel like I'm standing in the remains of a tornado, wondering where the hell that blew in from?
Can you help me put this in perspective? What am I dealing with here? I am CLUELESS.
