I haven't really posted on my thread, because I've been trying not to think about my situation for a little while. H went to his dads a couple weeks ago and ended up staying 2 weeks instead of 1. He went up to help after his dad's back surgery. His uncle who he has been staying with went with him. His family reunion was the Saturday after he went up (1 wk later) and he planned to come home the next Sunday.
Anyway, D and I ended up going up on Thursday afternoon and staying until Monday. I had only planned to stay until Sunday, but on Friday his grandma fell and broke her hip. It threw everyone for a loop. They had relatives out from ND and some from Calif. They were spread out at various houses. The original plan was each house would take care of 2 meals, but with his grandma getting hurt, all his aunts were taking shifts at the hospital with her. So D and I ended up doing a lot of work getting the park (family owned) ready for the reunion, cooking for everyone, cleaning up etc. It was nice to feel needed and not like we were in the way. We had a great time, enjoyed everyone, and H enjoyed us and was very appreciative of both of us.
So he came home Saturday. After dropping his uncle off, doing some quick laundry, he was over to the house and stayed until this morning. He was in a foul mood Sat.venting about his mom, and just grumpy in general. It felt like it was being directed at me and not just venting. I was getting teary eyed, started wishing he was there, but yet wanted him there. We talked did end up talking about it. He realized what he was doing and apologized. After thinking about it he realized the reason he was in a "mood" was because he didn't want to come back to our town. (we're both ready to move on from here) Yet, he couldn't stay at his dad's any longer, he doesn't want to be at his uncle's, he's still hesitant to come home, so he's feeling like he has no home and nowhere to really be.
I told him I understood, but if he expected me to feel sorry for him, I didn't. He is where he is by his own choice and no one else's. After a few moments, he readily agreed.
Then he started stressing on Sunday about his family coming into town. His brother and his wife were coming in to camp out at the dunes, his dad and stepmom will be here Wed. They're all staying through the weekend. He didn't feel like going out to the camp, but felt like he should, he had stuff he wanted to do, and he just wanted to relax at home. We worked through that after I pointed out that his family wasn't coming to see him, that he just happened to live here. That they would still be here later for him to see if he wanted to. He thought about it and realized that was true and quit stressing about.
There were a ton of other things he stressed about this weekend that would go on for pages. We managed to work through them all. He was able to identify why he felt certain things and talk about them, which was huge. Overall though, it was really stressful for me. He's just in a weird spot right now, and it boils down to he wants to be home, but he doesn't want to be home. He wants to be with me, but he's not ready for that next leap yet. There isn't anything I can do about this right now, he has to work through this himself. All I can do is continue to be here and listen when he needs me to.
He didn't spend the night here tonight. He went back to his uncle's. Which I think was probably good. I did miss him after work, once I got settled in for the evening. That's good I guess. I also think its good for him to have an evening out there where he hates to be.
He really has some issues to work through with his mom right now. That's another long story, for another day, but suffice it to say she is really adding undue stress to his life right now.
So how am I doing? I am doing ok. Plugging along, taking care of life. Trying to stay strong enough to deal with whatever comes next.
