Well another great day! We met at our counselors appt this morning and it went really well. A lot said and I don't want to type out a play by play but there was a lot of positives. I know we are still not out of the woods but at least we are getting there. Our counselor gave us a homework assignment to do before we can have our next session. We each have to make a list of the things we want and the things we need from each other in order to continue the marriage. The negotiables and the non-negotiables. Most of the session the counselor was talking to my husband and I was just sitting back. Quite a few times my husband would say something and I had to bite my tounge to keep from "interogating" him but as soon as I would decide to be quiet the counselor would ask the same question I was about to blurt out! In a nicer way of course. . .heh. It was weird but good. He really poked at my husband and did not let him use the "I don't know" cop-out.
I'm anxious for our next session to really dig into these issues. A lot of stuff that we talked about was stuff that our counselor said we should have discussed before getting married but because we were/are so young we did not really address a lot of life issues before getting married. And I think he is right in a way. We did talk about some things but certainly not in the detail we probably should have. I can't wait to make my list! I'll probably post the final draft on here before my session which will hopefully be next week sometime after the holiday.
The reason we are making the lists is so we can see whether or not we can be the person that the other wants and needs as their partner in marriage. My husband did say a few things that were new to me. He talked a lot about maturity and how being in a marriage requires growing up and being mature (which is something I have said forever!) and how he will need to make sacrifices (that is what the counselor said and my husband agreed) and that he is still seeing what those would be and whether or not he is willing.
I hope this is making sense to you guys. . .my head is still spinning a little.
After the session my husband had a couple of errands to run and I told him I was going to get lunch and meet him back at the house and he asked if I would get him something to eat too. I agreed and we split. I got his lunch and took it back home and hopped on here for a few minutes before he got back. He ate his lunch and we talked a little about the session but not a whole lot. I would prefer that the counselor put the "pressure" on him and that we wait until our next session to really start to chip away at the big issues. I just wanted another fun day and did not want to bring any undue stress into the day so early on.
We ML and then started to watch a movie afterwards but stopped an hour in because my hubby wanted to nap which turned into ML round 2. . .
Eventually we got up and finished the movie. Snuggled and joked around a lot. Ate snacks. Kinda a normal "weekend" day for us. Like the way things used to be. Sigh.
He said he was going to leave at 6:30 but then changed it to 7 and then waited to "finish the movie" so he did not leave until closer to 8. He gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye. Yay!
All in all it was a good day and while I was sad to see him go at the same time I am showing that he can have me and still have a social life outside of our relationship. I could kinda tell that he did not want to go and had he not said he would be there he probably would have stayed with me like he did on Saturday (I don't think I posted this but he had an offer to go out with a friend that night but had told the friend he wasn't sure if he would or not and when the friend called when we were at dinner he flat out said he was busy and couldn't make it out and I think that is great progress!)
I really like our counselor and I think he is going to help us a lot in the next few weeks as we (dare I say piece?) sort this mess out.
I know we cannot go back to our old relationship and truth be told I don't want to. I don't want to be the old (controlling, nagging, bitchy) me I rather like being fun and carefree with my hubby instead of complaining and making us both insane! I want a new and better marriage and have a hunch it is going to be with my hubby!
Thanks all for listening! Post any and all questions!
