Quote -------- I want to address the fact that you are feeling so disconnected and having thoughts of divorce and not sharing those thoughts with your wife. I know we shy away from hurting others and you are aware of how hurtful it would be to her. I think, though that you are taking away any chance she might have of finally doing something constructive about the problem by hiding how you are feeling now. --------
I think that confronting her at this point would simply prolong the inevitable, while seriously adding to her stress load. She already knows that our relationship has changed because I have changed. There is a guy here (me) that no longer gets angry when rejected, doesn't accept when offered, and is otherwise attentive and pleasant to be around. I will continue in like fashion.
I am still considering what such a conversation would include and what type and quantity of fallout to expect as a result. She mentioned that we needed to talk this morning. I told her that I didn't have time as I was already late for an appointment (true). The subject didn't come up again this evening. At this point, and for the time being, I will reject any request for conversation regarding relational issues. Business, children, logistics are fine for discussion.
Quote: --------- I doubt seriously that your wife has ever been honest with you or herself about her low sex drive. It's not a problem she will ever solve unless she is willing to be honest. By withholding how you are now feeling you are moving further away from a solution and beginning to play the game the way she does. -----------
I agree with your assessment of her. She simply and obviously doesn't get it. The difference with me, is that I detest relational game play. I am simply moving to protect mutual non-relational interests, and working toward providing a buffer for the relational issues. Someone has to have a level head now, and that duty has fallen to me. I see no reason to go running off mad or "home to mama" or to do something else equally stupid. We will both still need to be able to eat next week or retire at some point in time. Our relationship is already in jeopardy, No need to put everything else in the same boat.
Quote: ---------- I have to wonder how she would react if she new that dealing with your anger was the least of her problems? ----------
Good question, and now that the anger is gone, maybe we can find out.
I very much appreciate your kind words and the insight expressed in your post. I still have some hope that our relationship can be repaired, but that hope is growing dimmer by the day. I am open for the impossible. I would love to witness a true miracle.
I am grateful for Michele's book. It was a catalyst for change, and in a good way. It certainly cleared my head to see through the fog. I am certain that she would not approve of my solution or the likely outcome, and I understand that.
This whole mess has been brewing for years and would have eventually gotten nasty all by itself. At least this way, there is still a chance for change.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
