Here I am....real life and all.

[Starshyne]

You are right...I DO have some joyful living to do and I am doing that. I have heard from so many people in the past few days how happy and relaxed I seem compared to the past months. And I do feel a lot "lighter" and not dragged down if you know what I mean. I haved been GAL as much as I can. And I just signed up for the women's dinner and a movie group at church. Plus I am still taking those guitar lessons.

I feel sorry for xh. I honestly do. He can't afford anything anymore. He has it rough all around and is miserable. I don't like seeing anyone like that. However, I know that he made that choice. He could still be with me and not have to worry about money the way he is now. However, he decided to choose the OW and at that moment, he made the choice to leave what he had with me. I still feel sorry for him.

If he was a brand new man in my life, I would not be interested in him. He looks awful. He has nothing to offer and is just all around pathetic. I wouldn't mind being friend with him, but I could never see any more than that. I am not closing the door to ever reconciling, but it seems unlikely right now.

The new guy is so nice. I just can't get over it. How drama free he is. How kind he is. He helped me with my paper work on the house and then he helped me put together a chair that I recently bought. All the while he was humming and chatting with me. And before he left he gave me a kiss. He is just so sweet. He isn't the most handsome man, but his personality totally makes up for it. This is someone I can see myself spending more time with....not my xh.

Sara