I am glad I am not contributing to the deliquency of a marriage :-)
As for the history, I am more concerned with the logistics of divorce right now. Business, property, some money, various retirement accounts, pets. Even in the land of uncontested divorce, it will be a nasty mess. I can't imagine what the hell having a judge involved would add to the mix.
I learned a long time ago (and I actually take my own advice on occasion), that feelings are at best, untrustworthy. Right now, I feel less and less anger, less disappointment, less hurt, but I am not numb yet. What I am feeling is the pressure just to be removed from the situation. Business won't allow me to pack it up and leave, but I am ready to.
So I am stuck having to deal with all of it directly. Tonight was yet another proof of the unlikeliness of any change occuring. I got turned down, and I didn't even ask for it :-) She asked me for a rain check, I said "sure, no problem". Then she asked me if I was going to be mad at her. I told her that I would not, and that I haven't been for quite a while. She countered with "it's only tuesday", which sailed right over my head, so I responded, "so, this means what" only to be told that it was early in the week yet regarding my ability to not be angry about our sex life. I walked away.
My point in the last overly dramatic paragraph, is simply that she knows the effect her 'failed efforts(?)' have had on me. That means that it knows what it is doing. That confirms my previously alluded to, 'chump' condition (me). So, I won't ask again, and I won't not ask again :-) Neither will I 'cut her off' in a purposeless effort to show her I don't need it. The fact is, I don't need 'it', from her. I never really did. What I needed, was to be needed, not a part of some guilt quotient, or worse, part of some manipulation.
Sorry for my passion showing through a bit. I will tell you this, my future interaction with her just became calculated.
What a mess. I married her to be her partner, and she mine. We did well on most fronts. I will likely never figure out what went wrong in the sex department. Like I said, she can't, or won't, fix her side of the equation. That leaves me to make tough decisions. I have made plenty of those in my life.
Tonight really set me off, but I will get over it. All I can say is, don't piss on my leg when your pants are on fire. A little common sense could go a long way in our relationship. It sounds like most of the posters here could use a quick visit from Confucius at their homes as well...
I do think I will tell her precisely why I will NOT be getting angry. Maybe it will help her in future relationships.
Thanks for letting me rant.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
