2 steps forward, 3 back

[HSSweetheart]

2 friends from my support group came right over, the one cooked dinner for the kids, I was in no state. I feel better now, they calmed me down. I am just trying not to have any thoughts or contact - it is contact w/him that sets me off at all times. I texted him I was sorry, don't hate me, and put the form for me to sign in the mailbox. So tomorrow is another day for me to further screw up my life......But I AM truly trying, he pushes my buttons. I am going to try to hang up, I tried twice today not to talk to him but then the kids answer and hand me the phone. I said no but they keep pushing until I take the phone. It is soooo hard. I truly am trying to be good, but it is so hard when you see the person you love not loving you...