I'm glad you had a great sleepover for Mommy. I can understand your DD's were thrilled to have their mother participate in one for herself. It's also good for the both of you to have that understanding and camaraderie about being LBS'.
And I second what Gypsy said. It is amazing how the thing we once feared the most becomes the very thing we need in our given situations -- separation brings calm.
I thought about that the other day. At one time I could not have conceived of a world in which being apart from W would bring peace instead of just anguish. I used to really resent having to leave W for any great amount of time -- business travel was always a big yank on my heartstrings. Now, living apart from the alien shows me that I have been bereft of my spouse for far longer than I had realized, even long before the bomb.
It still hurts, but I am certainly more at peace now.
nocode, I used to fear it so much (being away from H), now I welcome it. I am so much better away from him. Heck, its hard for me to make eye contact with him. We are pretty silent around the kids, and I hate that, but there is no conflict either. Who knows.
I am so much better away from him. Heck, its hard for me to make eye contact with him.
I can sooo relate to this! I understand even better now that very stbx has "moved back" into the house. Oddly, I now feel so much more at peace when I know he will be gone at least overnight! And when he is here, I too have such a hard time looking him in the eye. It feels so strange to so badly want to avoid any conversation/confrontation/etc.
Now of days I can be so upbeat around W, especially with my S's present. I am able to stay calm around her and enjoy my S's as if everything is alright, even though inside my head I cannot bear the person she has chosen to be.
But I cannot make eye contact with her, nor does she try to do the same either. I've been tempted at times to try to catch her eye, but I haven't mustered the courage. If the eyes truly are a window to the soul, then I cannot look into her eyes... for I do not want to see what is there, or not there, as the case may be.
Glad I am not the only one struggling with eye contact. I don't think H even notices anyway.
Had a super rough morning. H did stay away Friday and Saturday night, but stayed last night. I was sooo frustrated. I want to move on with my life, darnit, why does he get to move on with his? I will be talking with him this week. I don't care if he thinks I am a biatch anymore.
We were supposed to go file tomorrow, but he is working now. I can't go on Wednesday (the only day he can go), but I am going to work something out to get there this week. Wonder if we both have to be there.
I am so angry today. At the whole situation. I mowed the heck out of the yard today, then came inside and cried. I kept doing piddly things, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up, as I cried. At some point, I stopped crying, but didn't realize it at the time. I do feel better tonight.
I feel like I have nowhere to go with my anger. I don't want to keep it inside, I don't want it. I do so much better with my girls around, that's for sure.
...but stayed last night. I was sooo frustrated. I want to move on with my life, darnit, why does he get to move on with his? I will be talking with him this week. I don't care if he thinks I am a biatch anymore.
Exactly how I feel. stbx thought it would be a good idea to move back into the house during the week. Not sure why but it SUCKS for me. I am super frustrated and stressed and soooo want to get to move on with MY life, too!
Funny thing about crying and yard work.. At least we can feel good about accomplishing something. I pulled the crap out of a million weeds yesterday.. Looks good today
Yeah, see, miss olive, you and I think alike. This morning, when I was crying, I thought "Well, I could sit on the couch and cry or I could straighten the house up and kill 2 birds."
HUGS! I am so sorry H came back to the house. Did he ever state exactly why he did it, other than he is a goober, like my H?
I wish I was there when you were crying, to be a friend.
I always found constructive destruction to be very helpful.. like mowing the lawn, whacking down innocent bushes that needed .. shaping.
Feeling the anger, doing something physical to vent, then focusing on solutions is what my therapist tells me to do. Once you've done the physical, write, talk, do whatever helps you get it out. It's a multiple step process.
I don't think you both have to be there to file.. it probably adds a cost to have the papers served to you.. but you can google it for your state to confirm.
You're incredible. Let him know your boundaries, what you need during this difficult transition.
I am so sorry that you've had such a rough day. I know how hard this is and how it wears you down, but Sweetie you are STRONG.
Husband's showing up again just goes to show that your feelings don't really matter to him at the moment. What he wants and needs come first. Even when we've decided that it's in our best interest to move on it still hurts to be treated so coldly and disrespectfully by someone we have loved. So A good cry? Yup, I would say that that was in order.
Husband's showing up again just goes to show that your feelings don't really matter to him at the moment. What he wants and needs come first
Yup, and I need to learn how to let it wash off me. I am REALLY good at it............WHEN HE ISN'T AROUND! I can accept more that he has moved on, I can accept more that this is happening. I have the space to grieve and move on. Right now..can't breathe, can't move on.
