My k's are the world to me. I cannot for the life of me understand how a parent could do anything other than make them priority one.
BUT, as has been drilled in my head by Puppy and many others, this is all about them, nothing else. One day they hopefully will realize how much they f'd up lives!
Stay strong Sandy. I will try to help any way I can, as will the many other friends here.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I honestly believe my hubsand is loosing it...smack dab in the middle of a MLC and affair.
After he calls and tells our 10D that he is coming with yesterday morning.... about three hours later sends me 2 texts 1.can I ask you again to let me visit my family with just the kids. 2 This is my family and it sucks that i have to choose.
i sent him back:
it is OUR family and i am not making you chooses..you are. I know you have not chosen to be with me and the kids..I know that..cant we just go and have fun.
well i never hear from him for hours...
He sends: 1. Can I just say thanks for not letting me go with my kids alone... I will resent this for a long time
2. Im not going and I thank you for that
I did not respond to either of those..Kept thinking of Puppys advice on how "high school" he is being....
well he called my kids and said he is not going with us...D10 sobbed again.....
He sends me : Nothing to say eh......
like he was trying to taunt me and get me to argue ....not gonna happen..
I sent him back this though:
What can I say...you are in control of Al....hope this is your decision ..not for OW..your kids are upset..I will try and comfort them..again.. dude your killing D10..last time you left she sobbed for a F***** hour dam it... you did it again.. I know you dont love me..but you love them..stop hurting them.
Well he wanted me to say something..that is what he got...
He sent me back Screw you Sandy....
I said anythine big boy..
that shut him up..no more texts...
Today shall be interesting..
I really feel he is sick and not normal right now..I am not thinking that for an excuse.. he just is acting so strange..mood swings and changes his mind alot...
I know i should not have fallen into the trap to respond to him..Sorry ..will try harder...
it is OUR family and i am not making you chooses..you are. I know you have not chosen to be with me and the kids..I know that..
That was really good I think! and good on ignoring most of his texts, maybe next time you will be able to ignore them all. I went through a stage where H was like that, very juvenile and wanting to provoke my anger; I think this is very common maybe b/c if you are fighting it is easier for them to think they are doing the right thing (although they aren't of course).
Yeah, I've thought that too about MLC and affair. They seem to be very self-involved (someone (who was that?) posted the funniest song about that went something like me, me, me, me, me! So true! And juvenile of course like they are reliving or trying to relive their teen and maybe pre-teen years!!!! Karen
1.can I ask you again to let me visit my family with just the kids. 2 This is my family and it sucks that i have to choose.
Sandy,
Next time something like this happens, a better way to respond would be:
"1. Sure. Let me know what day and what time, and we'll schedule something."
as for #2, don't even respond to that. DON'T JUMP INTO HIS PIT WITH HIM.
Everything after that was you being reactive, and then it escalates from there. Don't let him push your buttons. "Whatever!" is your internal self-talk.
I think these last few days I have grown a little stronger and am getting tired of him trying to manipulate me and make me be the bad guy.
This is going to be a long process... whether I wait for him to pull his head out of his a** or head straight to divorce or legal seperation.... All options pretty much suck!
Its kinda funny..when I think about it..he doesnt want me..but when I dont react to him...he seems to get irritated...hmmm..sounds like he wants to hold all the cards...
Well... the crying, begging, pleading woman has left the room!!
Yea!! I feel good about that. Dont get me wrong..I still cry because it hurts so much and I truely love him... but I am really trying to not let him know...
Well... the crying, begging, pleading woman has left the room!!
Yea!! I feel good about that. Dont get me wrong..I still cry because it hurts so much and I truely love him... but I am really trying to not let him know...
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Good morning.. I think you misunderstood the first one... His first text is he wants to fly to Chicago tomorrow to see his family and make me stay home...
Good morning.. I think you misunderstood the first one... His first text is he wants to fly to Chicago tomorrow to see his family and make me stay home...
Anyway..still trying to be strong
SAndy
Ahhh, gotcha. Man, it's all about THEM, isn't it??
In that case, stand your ground, and just VALIDATE ("I understand that you wanted that." ... etc.)
So I read a good part of your sitch and it seems alot like mine was. You seem to be on the right track though. As everyday goes by you will get stronger. My H loved to text me all sorts of stuff to try to make me feel guilty. When i wouldn't respond he would get uglier. I finally locked all my phjones in my room and walked away. He called 48 times that day.
When you stop responding to there immature crap you stop giving them a reason to place blame on you. Right now he can justify his actions because of your re-actions. Don't give him any. Eventually they have to start looking at themselves and what it is they are doing because you are not helping them justify the A and leaving anymore. It's hard at first, but there is strength in all of us that we usually don't use. Find it! You can do it!!!!
M-33 H-35 S-13 &14 ST-9 DT-5 PA-21-08-07 Came Home 12-01-08 been happy since
Karen
