I really can't punt this one back to her end of the field. She really doesn't have it in her to play the game. Being forced to play a game that you hate is a terrible thing, and I can't ask her to do any more than she has done.
This problem is mine to deal with. She can't fix it.
I am appreciative of the recent gains in our relationship. I know she perceives all this as a big roller coaster ride. I have to smooth out the ride now for her sake.
To be perfectly honest, I sometimes suspect that she knew exactly what she was doing in the early days, but I also know that life with me been been anything but smooth. I have accomplished much, but it has definitely been an adventure.
I think that it is more likely that I have been blinded by hope. Hope is a good thing, but I should know better than to think that I could 'change' someone else. That has to be the biggest, and most common mistake new couples make. Hope is good and can keep you going when life is really tough. It can also blind a person to impossible or unrealistic goals. Even hope has to be intelligently applied, and used sparingly.
So, I will try to reduce my demands of her to a minimum, and remain loving. I do love her. That much should be obvious. She deserves to be treated well and fairly. A person is only capable of so much, and I have learned, somewhat painfully at times, that we all have limitations. I believe that she is doing the best that she can, and I can ask no more than that. I can, in fact, ask less than that from her. I damn sure don't want to live the rest of my life having to watch every little action and make sure that I do everything 'just right'. I can't hold her to such an impossible standard either.
No, I am stuck trying to figure out what to do. I never settled for less than I 'hoped' for. I lived in my hope that our sex would get better and better. It even improved in frequency, and we gained back a bit of time sleeping together. That was something that had faded away a decade or so ago. So some of my hopes were realized. The problem with having high hopes, is the ultimate realization that they will likely be dashed. You see, all I ever hoped for was what I considered to be 'normal' sex. The problem is what I consider normal and what she considers normal, are widely disparate in scope.
One could argue that I have been settling for less than I wanted all these years, so why not continue. That is NOT a valid point. I obviously haven't settled for anything, rather, I have continued on in hopes of improvement.
When I spoke of dead passion, I meant it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, has ever before killed my sex drive. I find myself passionless right now. The plumbing still works ok, but the idea of continuing on as before doesn't work. Maybe that is how some of the 'low drives' feel around here. I can only guess since my drive isn't gone, but my target and goals are....
"Officer, could you please point me in the direction of marital bliss? I seem to have gone blind looking at the sun."
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
