Something lost and never seen....

[LL44]

ROTF LMAO. Fastest way to lose 40 lbs ever. Do ya think it will jump out singing "hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal"

OMG lol!!!!

Just catching up on ya girl.

[Sugar and Spice]

Thanks everyone for stopping by. I haven't been posting much, but I have been reading...I need to catch up though. Things have been weird, thats just the best way to describe it...weird.

H has been calling and talking to me about his situation with the baby and OW. Apparently she has decided she wants to move out and get a place, I don't know if she actually asked H to move too or not, but hes not going to. He has decided that after she gives him the paternity test that he will help her get into an apartment. He thinks that the best way would be to just pay part or all of her rent directly to the owner or manager of the complex (as child support). He told her that he won't help her do anything without a paternity test and he wants it done by the doctor as soon as the baby is born, with the blood in the umbilical cord. The troll said fine, if thats what he wants then he has to go to the Dr. with her and tell the Dr. himself (I think she is hoping that he will feel bad and chicken out.)
Saturday night we had to both be at DS football game and he was really nice. We have been getting along really well, but it has been so hard for me.
After the game DS and I left and went to get something to drink and H called and tells me the following:

"I'm not trying to torture you. I think things are going to be coming to an end soon."

We have talked quite a bit about things this week and he actually made a counseling appt. for Sept. 5. In one breath he says he needs/wants to get his life in order and figure things out and then he also played cards Friday, Saturday and yesterday. I don't know what to think. I know that the next couple of months, waiting for this child to be born and for him to really decide what he is going to do is going to be even harder than finding out.

I'm just tired and want to be happy again. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel whiny, needy and vulnerable and I HATE IT! I try to be strong and I am strong, but sometimes it takes everything I have and there is nothing left.

I just don't want to be standing at the end, looking back at this experience thinking...what were you thinking? How could you be so stupid?

I'm just having a hard time. We seem to take a step or two forward and then take several steps backward. Pushme Pullyou. Sorry to vent, but I hate feeling like this....

[fightingirish]

((((corey))))

Is there an actual chance he isn't the father?? Oh sugar, your in my thoughts. By some miracle, I hope he isn't the father.

C will be a good thing, even if its just to get everything off your chest. Your not stupid, don't ever say that!!! You've been with this man for 20 years, you loved and trusted him, and he violated that. You did nothing wrong. He doesn't deserve you my dear.

Hang in there

thinking of you ..

[kat727]

Your feelings are just ours magnified since you have the added troll to deal with. Don't beat yourself up. I was a mess when my FH was around all the time, no wonder I couldn't let go, he couldn't send a clear message if it hit right between the eyes!

Feel free to vent. Allow yourself that and allow yourself some fun. You deserve it Corey. Hugs

kat

[MichelleLT]

TAL - From what I recall of the stitch, there's a good chance he is the father...but also it could be someone else as his OW was cheaing on him. *headdesk* Lol. Drama central with her H.

Corey - You are in a VERY difficult situation! Of course it saps you. You'd have to be crazy not to be affected by it. Don't worry about that. Just remember, you have us. And I'm not THAT far away!

[Sugar and Spice]

There is a 50-50 chance he is the father. He was with her, but she also ended up with STD's that neither he nor I had and I was tested in Jan. when I first found out they were sexually involved and after she was diagnosed with an STD and I didn't have anything either time, so if I didn't have them, then he didn't have them....so where did she get them?

I'm sure he won't dodge this bullet, just not that lucky, but I think there is more than a shadow of a doubt in his mind.

I'm just tired of this. Like I said, we get close and then he pushes me away again and its just hard.

Hopefully this C will do him some good. I'm just personally shocked that he was the one that initiated it and made the appt. etc... But I have no expectations, it just disappoints me when I do.

[badcompany]

Hi sugar hope everything is ok

[LL44]

You are being strong, you aren't weak and needy. You are doing amazingly in this situation!!!!

[GoingForward]

"I'm not trying to torture you. I think things are going to be coming to an end soon."

It may not be his intention at all, but he doesn't seem to understand that is exactly what's happening here - torture!

(((((((HUGS)))))))

I'm just tired of this. Like I said, we get close and then he pushes me away again and its just hard.

Crumbs, Corey. He's continuing to give you just enough to keep you close, and when you do happen to get a little too close for HIS comfort, he pulls away. Give him another day or two....and the cycle repeats itself. He wants you there for him when HE wants you to be.....when he doesn't, he chooses to turn the other way. To the Troll. Back and forth, back and forth. I know the motion all too well.

I'm glad to hear he made the C appt, but I'm even happier to hear that you have no expectations....because you realize that expectations = preplanned disappointments.

Let him go, Corey. Don't be so available to him all the time - talking on the phone, texting,....whatever, whenever. For your own emotional well-being, these R talks NEED TO STOP. Let him do his thing, YOU DO YOURS. Quit allowing him to drag you along.

I care about you, Corey - we all do! - and it saddens me to see and hear you hurting all because of your H's selfish behavior...and you're settling for it. DON'T.

I know....I'm one to talk, aren't I? ....If not for the wonderful people here "pushing" me to realize that I DO DESERVE BETTER...and MY CHILDREN DESERVE BETTER....I know there is no way I could be sitting here typing all of this to you. If not for all of you, I would not be as strong as I am feeling at this very moment.

NO MORE CRUMBS, COREY. NO MORE CRUMBS.

(((((((Corey)))))))

[MichelleLT]

Let him go, Corey. Don't be so available to him all the time - talking on the phone, texting,....whatever, whenever. For your own emotional well-being, these R talks NEED TO STOP. Let him do his thing, YOU DO YOURS. Quit allowing him to drag you along.

Ditto!

(((Corey)))

You only are as much as part of the drama as you allow yourself to be.

If it's bringing you down, take more space for yourself sweetie.