I have not posted much lately because not much has been going on. I sensed a little improvement this weekend but W just called from the office and threw me for a huge loop. Apparently, her assistant has a condo in (you guessed it) Mexico that she can use for the labour day weekend. Of course no mention of me. My jaw dropped literally. I told her I know she does not need my permission but I was against the idea. the conversation ended pretty abruptly. A few minutes later, the phone rang and it was her again asking me to not be mad. I told her I was not mad just disappointed and at a loss for words. I told her that we are not living in the same world. I am concentrating on sleeping in the same bed as my wife and one day making love to her and she is planning more trips (we just got back from the DR in July). Yes she works hard and needs to relax but I would like to be involved in her plans. She said we would talk about it later. Now, on the positive side, she did not book her flight and spoke to me about it first. On the negative side, i can not imagine living with this type of person too much longer. Maybe I am the one with the problem....i did ask her to put herself in my shoes .... just for a minute. I will need to put my foot down on this one. If she decides to go in spite of my feelings, that will be the proverbial straw. I am prepared to pack my bags over this issue and I will. What do you guys think? Am I out in left field here?
I think youn need to have that talk with W before your make any decisions, but her contemplating going to Mexico without you doesn't give me a good feeling.
I hope for your sake nothing is going on, but I would at the least be a little concerned.
Lan, I have to admit that OM did cross my mind. No intimacy and then this? However, at this point it does not matter. The more I think about it, the more I know that I can not continue living with a person who does not want me in her everyday life (or so it seems). My idea of a relationship is nowhere close to what I have been living since we came back from the DR. There is a limit to my patience. I have come to the conclusion that if she goes to Mexico, I will be out before labour day. I have no intention of using it as an ultimatum but you are right, just her thinking about going away without her husband is cause for concern.
I can understand your feelings as Mexico was where the one night stand(s) occured. This seems like both a trust issue and the feeling that you are not part of her plans.
How well does your W converse in Mexico as I think you said her english and spanish was not that good. Have you ever considered taking a trip to French Guiana together?
You would know what a drag it is to see you? That's a little strong....good song though. The destination is not really the problem. She does ok in spanish and english. The not part of her plans has overtaken the trust issue...maybe I am just being naive. The worst part about all this is if this was going on 2 years ago, I would have no problem with her going away. At this point the fact that she would rather spend the better part of labour day weekend away from me and D7 speaks volumes on where her head is. Again I ask...am I in left field?
Yeah, drag to see you is even too strong to say about my cheating wife. I was just thinking about reversing roles so your W could understand how you feel. Is she empathetic of how you feel.
I understand the issue - I felt the same way when W would take off every weekend evening to have fun. I wanted to be part of the fun, but I felt that she looked at me as only the babysitter.
There is nothing wrong with having separate activities, but repeated vacations away from family does not seem right.
Do you think she is taking you for granted again?
Only you can make the decision of when you feel your happiness in the marriage is suffering so much that you want to separate. And if you do, will the cycle continue again where your W wants you back only to return to taking John for granted.
I would go as far as saying that seperate activities are very healthy for a healthy relationship. For a relationship that is teetering along ...... maybe a sprinkle of seperate activities will do the trick. We have been doing almost nothing together recently....and now this.....does not seem right is an understatement I would say. Am I being taken for granted? I will let you guys be the judge of that. I am afraid that if I move out, it will take extra ordinary circumstances to do this all over again. Actually, something told me that I should have held off a little longer...ie. perhaps date for a while.... We will see how the talk goes this evening and go from there. Here is a perfect example of the difference between my W and I. i played golf last Thursday and this Sunday. Both times my W was busy and I used my mom to babysit. I was invited to a big tournament on tuesday....I desided that in order not to rock the boat too much that it would be better not to go......compare that with W wanting to spend 3 - 4 days in Mexico. What's wrong with this picture?
Your wife loves you. But she is selfish and wants the world to be the way she dreams it should be. She wants you and a family but wants everything else as well. Right now she thinks she may have a nice set up. You are there for her when she needs you, but she can have her own life. Who wouldn't think that was fine and dandy.
Here is my advice: Get your own life. Have your own fun. Be your own man. Be positive, independent and happy. You aren't happy John. Not at all. You came back to save your marriage and lost yourself. Go find yourself again. You may have to make a few tough choices to do it, but otherwise nothing is going to work out the way you want it to. She isn't going to change with you being this way.
You are my friend. I know you deserve more than this. Make sure you get it.
John, how did it go with you and W? Did she go to Mexico? I wish I had been checking this board more often, sorry I missed your situation.
I would not say you are in left field. I know my situation is different from yours in that my H had a full-on A. But still, her wanting to go away without you over Labor Day weekend is crap, in my opinion. I know I sound a little harsh. But, if it is a condo, why couldn't you and D have gone, too? Or, better yet, your mom could watch D and the two of you could have gone alone?? I know I would NOT be okay with H taking a private vacation after saying he wanted to work on things with me...
I think you have the right to be upset. I just don't know what you plan to do about it...
Please, check in with us and let us know how you are doing...........
