I absolutely agree frank! I HATED filling out the forms last week! Then is asks who the child lives with and how often the see the other parent. I hated it! Breaks my heart.
Hang in there buddy. I think you're doing pretty darn well!
Those forms are very important. In a lot of cases one parent has custody and the other does not. The form should also ask into whose care the child may be released. Many times an adversarial parent has picked a child up at school and kidnapped him or her. The schools don't want to get mixed up in that kind of thing. So be sure that if it is alright for both parents to pick up the children, that it is listed on the form.
Of course she cries.. She is feeling the loss now,and it hurts. But... like a runaway train, she has to continue her journey. The threats about the Lawyer, etc are totally normal. When you push someone into a corner and hold them accountable for their actions, they come out fighting. Don't lower yourself to her level, keep doing what you are doing. ((((hugs)))) P.S. Cute pics!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
It's over when YOU say it's over. You are not a victim here. You are in control.
You are moving the situation forward for the following reasons:
1. Self-care/Survival.
2. Peace of mind to rebuild your finances, which is of benefit to your kids and your wife.
3. Regaining your self-respect.
4. Gaining your wife's respect.
5. Offering your wife consequences for her actions for the first time in her life. Giving her a reality check.
6. Changing the game. Regaining control and power.
All of these things are pre-requisites for either you saying it's over OR shocking you wife into a reality check where she sincerely and deeply repents of her actions sufficiently for her to come back on YOUR terms and with the help of a real family therapist to help her do the REAL work she needs to do.
There's plenty of time and room for her to change. This is the only way she's going to do it Frank.
Either way, you are doing what's necessary to move on.
Most people on this forum who have followed your situation are probably of the opinion that you are very likely to take her back too easily and that she'll end up in the same place in the next 2-5 years. They are of the "enough is enough" school.
The moderators will always take the position that reconciliation should always be left open.
I lean with the nay-sayers in this case. This is her third go at this infidelity thing. However, we haven't seen what a REALITY CHECK can do for your wife.
In my conversations with you, you said you might take her back. You even admit this is a weakness for you.
I think your wife needs to get her own apartment, get responsible, get a regularly paying job and be on her own for at least 1 year before you even consider letting her back in your house. She needs to be able to come back to you as a mature, strong, independent woman. She needs to not need you financially. If she's on her own, if she can make it without you, if she has all her choices of "spiritual" boy-men but THEN she wants to come back to you, Frank, it's for real. You will know if it's for real. It will be a miraculous change in her. Right now you are the safety net -- the paycheck. You need to be the treasure that she wants, not simply the lesser of two evils.
I think perhaps in our attempts to save our marriages at any cost we accepts crumbs (baby steps) of affection and change, throw a party and then jump over to piecing.
She's a three timer, Frank. I think this time, you need to hold out for a real miracle and REAL change, if that's what you want.
I'm OK with any choice you make Frank at this stage.
Well, she called to discuss D13's upcoming birthday party. She wants to make breakfast, and be around for the sleepover D13 is having with her friends, if that's OK with ME.
I was pleasant, said that would be great.
Short conversation. She ended it with a sort of annoyed tone saying 'well, bye'.
You are doing what you need to do. Being pleasant, being happy, being agreeable.day by day.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I think your wife needs to get her own apartment, get responsible, get a regularly paying job and be on her own for at least 1 year before you even consider letting her back in your house. She needs to be able to come back to you as a mature, strong, independent woman. She needs to not need you financially. If she's on her own, if she can make it without you, if she has all her choices of "spiritual" boy-men but THEN she wants to come back to you, Frank, it's for real. You will know if it's for real. It will be a miraculous change in her. Right now you are the safety net -- the paycheck. You need to be the treasure that she wants, not simply the lesser of two evils.
I do agree with the spirit of this post. It's the year or more of this that I don't like. Not that I'm waiting for her, it's just no fun to be alone. She's not alone, but I am because I don't want my kids to deal with someone new in their life, and I'm not 'over' W.
I pray for her to have a change of heart but she seems to be fine with her life.
