Jimi - I'm really sorry to tell you this, but you are still being duped by your wife.
I know she has shown you (in your eyes) that she is making strides...however, what you have shared with us is not the sounds of a woman who has learned her mistakes and wants to mend her marriage. Instead, it sounds to me like maybe the OM has broken things off with HER and she is coming back around to YOU as a result.
The only way you will know for sure what is going on is if you demand total transparency and don't even date her without that spelled out.
But unfortunately, you are showing her that you will accept whatever crumbs she will give you...I know that to you (and possibly her) it doesn't seem like crumbs for her to say she is working on it with you...but it really IS crumbs, because she is setting up the deal with an escape hatch for herself.
Keep us posted, but I fear you are heading toward more heartache.
