I first want to say that I am truely sorry about your situation, but I for one, can honestly relate.
My mlc/wah left me for the first time in March '07, He was gone for almost 5 months and then came back to work on the M in August '07. He moved into my new condo I was forced to buy when we sold our dreamhouse and lived with me there until dec '07 when he gave me the same speech as your WAW did and moved out for the second time.
I felt crushed all over again. It was terrible to feel like all the hard work I did DBing was a waste. But it wasnt.
When he left the 2nd time, i didnt know what to do anymore. For about the first few weeks, I totally gave up. Then I realized I just couldnt seem to push my H out of my Heart. So I started DBing all over again.
In mid feb. '08 he returned to me again, with promising words and a nice week of reconnecting. However, He had turned into a complete alcoholic and was at the bars every night. When I said something to him about his behaviors, he said "i just dont accept him for who he is", and left me again for the third time after just one short week of romance.
Again, I tried everything from DBing, GAling, and tough love. I was about to truely give up, I had no other choice other than to completely let him go. So I started to really set up boundaries. I told him to stop drunk texting me, and gave him rules about visitations with the dog, & I didnt get him a b-day gift...ect. He started to notice me really pulling away.
Then at the beginning of May '08, he started to text me and ask me questions about our R. I told him I wouldnt talk to him over the phone and that he needs to address me in person. It took him about a week to finally come speak to me and when he did, he said "he thought that he didnt give our M enough of a chance and that he was really sorry and wants to try again". This was the apology I had been waiting for for over a year. It was sincere and he even put my pain into words that showed me that he could feel it.
Since May '08, my H and I have been peicing for our fourth time, and things seem to be going well. My H is still living in a seperate apartment than my townhouse because we decided to take things slow. We just got back from a trip to Florida/Bahamas that we booked for our 8th anniversary. It was a blast. We did some good reconnecting and it was very romantic in ways.
Now we are back to reality again, living apart -but working on us. It is so hard, and I know that my H is still very much in his crisis and confused. I have all I can do at times to bite my tongue and not scream or cry at the choices he still is poorly making. But I know that only sends him out the door and running.
I guess that I just want you to know that you shouldnt give up yet. Especially since she notices your changes and says how great you have been to her. Sometimes they feel like their is just no passion left in themselves towards you, but then they realize later they really do when they are missing you and how great you are.
So, dont push her to do anything she doesnt want. Make her feel like you accept her leaving and that you are moving on to build a new life yourself. It will be hard to act this way on your trip, but you must - despite your hurt and pain.
I think that the whole WAS/MLC process is just that... a long drawn out process in which they need to spread their wings and see what else is out there for them. Allow it to happen, dont fight it, and be as patient as possible because (as you said) this does not get better overnight.
You may go through the dance like I had to, them coming and going as they please. It is probably one of the hardest tasks a human can be put through in my opinion, but if your up for it then there are things you can do.
DB your but off, if something works - keep doing it. If it doesnt work - stop doing it right away. It is a trial and error process for us. It will make you a better person in the long run. If she does leave again, go back to DBing and try something new. BE CREATIVE.
Again, I just want to reassure you that this is very normal, and all it means is that she is still confused. It is not the end until YOU say it is. She may think its over, but you know that you won her back once before and there is a strong bond between you that she may not be able to let go of in the long run. So hold onto hope and have faith that you can affect and influence the way she feels about you with out ever trying to change her.
DBing has saved me in so many ways. Stick with it. TIPPER p.s. I have a thread I started in MLC forum that is called "piecing pointers" and I listed 20 that have been helpful to me.
