Do you think it ia control thing? You have taken control of the situation by kicking her out. Now she is trying to regain control over you by telling you that if you drink she will take the kids from you and that she is watching you.
I don't drink (much) but my W use to call me all the time and lecture me on how to deal with the kids (really stupid things too). I think it is them trying to maintain control and it makes them feel like good parents when they know they are not.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I think they begin to panic when we finally take a stand and actually allow them to have consequences for their actions rather then bailing them out and making excuses for their behavior.
This is called dropping the rope.
It is so hard....
I actually felt pity for my Husband when he was acting like a Jackarse, but he wanted to be a grown up and make his own choices, so I finally stepped back and let him.
It is amazing when they begin to flounder and see what reality is like without us there as a safety net.
Sending you happy thoughts today....
(((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
She threatened to get a lawyer, find out her rights, kick me out, etc..
And be prepared if she returns to this strategy.
Although what you have done frank...I know..is NOT what you wanted in your heart...doing this begins the ultimate 'detachment' and, also, you will feel some relief in that you also take back a part of your control.
Now...you control your life.
I like what Imageer said. I miss my kids dearly when they are not with me, but, I am using the time now to take care of things that I have not been able to do...fix up the outside of the house..do paperwork....etc. Try not to dwell on the negatives and find postives in your life.
Restore yourself.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I think they begin to panic when we finally take a stand and actually allow them to have consequences for their actions rather then bailing them out and making excuses for their behavior.
This is called dropping the rope.
It is so hard....
I actually felt pity for my Husband when he was acting like a Jackarse, but he wanted to be a grown up and make his own choices, so I finally stepped back and let him.
It is amazing when they begin to flounder and see what reality is like without us there as a safety net.
yeah, I think it takes some time before they start to flounder though. It doesn't appear to happen right away as W 'seems' like she's got what she wants.
Either way, I am 'acting as if' I am a single dad about to be divorced with a wayward wife.
What else can I do? It forces me to take care of myself and my needs. And my kids
W just dropped of D13. She came in the house and was friendly and pleasant. Asked me to make sure D13 does her summer assignment. Smiled and said goodbye.
Take your wife's threats seriously. She wants to you stumble and get drunk so that the girls can call her in to "rescue" the family and kick you out of your own house. She's tried to enroll your daughters as spies. Your daughters, rightly, have protected you. They are smarter than you think. If you stumble, not only might your wife get the house, you be given a restraining order, but your business might also get in serious trouble, you could slip into deep depression and then all four of you are up a creek. Don't kill the goose that lays the golden eggs: good strategy, smart girls. Protect Frank -- first order of the day.
On a similar note, when I described my situation to my pastor, he says it's a miracle that continue to come to church with all my kids, that I haven't gotten fired from my job, and that I don't come hom drunk every night. Infidelity and marital strife are the kinds of situations that destroy families: emotionally, financially and relationally. I think, therefore, showing tour wife the door was a survival strategy. It's self-care. It's not just getitng a life, it's saving a life.
Having said that:
1. Continue to go to AA. Protect Frank. Find some way to document that.
2. At some point, talk to your daughters and tell them you are in AA. Also ask them if they ever remember you being out of control or harmful when you've had too much to drink, aside from going to your room and sleeping it off. I'm not a family therapist, but I think in case of legal action, their testimony needs to be strongly in your behalf.
3. Talk to a lawyer. I know finances are tight, but, perhaps there might be a way around that.
Take your wife's threats seriously. She wants to you stumble and get drunk so that the girls can call her in to "rescue" the family and kick you out of your own house. She's tried to enroll your daughters as spies. Your daughters, rightly, have protected you. They are smarter than you think. If you stumble, not only might your wife get the house, you be given a restraining order, but your business might also get in serious trouble, you could slip into deep depression and then all four of you are up a creek. Don't kill the goose that lays the golden eggs: good strategy, smart girls. Protect Frank -- first order of the day.
On a similar note, when I described my situation to my pastor, he says it's a miracle that continue to come to church with all my kids, that I haven't gotten fired from my job, and that I don't come hom drunk every night. Infidelity and marital strife are the kinds of situations that destroy families: emotionally, financially and relationally. I think, therefore, showing tour wife the door was a survival strategy. It's self-care. It's not just getitng a life, it's saving a life.
Having said that:
1. Continue to go to AA. Protect Frank. Find some way to document that.
2. At some point, talk to your daughters and tell them you are in AA. Also ask them if they ever remember you being out of control or harmful when you've had too much to drink, aside from going to your room and sleeping it off. I'm not a family therapist, but I think in case of legal action, their testimony needs to be strongly in your behalf.
3. Talk to a lawyer. I know finances are tight, but, perhaps there might be some way around that.
Take your wife's threats seriously. She wants to you stumble and get drunk so that the girls can call her in to "rescue" the family and kick you out of your own house. She's tried to enroll your daughters as spies. Your daughters, rightly, have protected you. They are smarter than you think. If you stumble, not only might your wife get the house, you be given a restraining order, but your business might also get in serious trouble, you could slip into deep depression and then all four of you are up a creek. Don't kill the goose that lays the golden eggs: good strategy, smart girls. Protect Frank -- first order of the day.
On a similar note, when I described my situation to my pastor, he says it's a miracle that continue to come to church with all my kids, that I haven't gotten fired from my job, and that I don't come hom drunk every night. Infidelity and marital strife are the kinds of situations that destroy families: emotionally, financially and relationally. I think, therefore, showing tour wife the door was a survival strategy. It's self-care. It's not just getitng a life, it's saving a life.
Having said that:
1. Continue to go to AA. Protect Frank. Find some way to document that.
2. At some point, talk to your daughters and tell them you are in AA. Also ask them if they ever remember you being out of control or harmful when you've had too much to drink, aside from going to your room and sleeping it off. I'm not a family therapist, but I think in case of legal action, their testimony needs to be strongly in your behalf.
3. Talk to a lawyer. I know finances are tight, but, perhaps there might be some way around that.
Also ask them if they ever remember you being out of control or harmful when you've had too much to drink, aside from going to your room and sleeping it off.
I agree with all that theoden wrote...except the above. I'd rather you ask them about all the great times they had with you and reminisce...ask them what their best recollections were....tell them how much you love them...tell them about your future plans....and leave everything else in the past (including the EtOH)
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
