Nonchalance &theOlympics while your family crashes

[BethM]

Oh Sweetie,

I'm so happy that you faced your demons and knew what was important in life. That's hard!

This whole thing is such a crap shoot. You know we all come here on an even plain, for some it works out and for others it doesn't. When we start out we have no idea which side we will be on. Lucky for us huh? Not only does it give us time to understand what went wrong, but to also understand that we made our share of mistakes. What we choose to do about that is the real test of who we are.

The other test of course is one of faith. I prayed so long and hard that God would restore my marriage. The hard part, and the true test for me, was accepting that we don't always get what we want. I say that that was hard because of course we want back what we know. When it doesn't happen, we have to put our faith in God and believe that he has another plan for us.

Inspite of it all I certainly don't feel like a DB failure. I am a much better person for having done so, and I don't believe that it was an accident that I found this board. I feel as if I can look my kids in the eye knowing that I did everything possible to save my marriage.

I'm so happy that your Husband is willing to stick by you and do what it takes. I do still believe in happy endings!

Lots of luck and happiness!

Love,
Bethie

[glamgirl]

Thanks Bethie. H is NOT home yet, but making great progress. Today was the first time I could say I am glad that God put me through this. I needed to learn a lot about myself. Not that I really wanted to go through this but you know when the light bulb comes on and you say wow now I can see what God was trying to show me.

It has helped me appreciate my h so much. Now trust me he has his own issues to deal with, but I am willing to help him go through and hopefully we will come out like Yellow Rose and have a much more rewarding and fullfilling M in the end.

It's the lessons we learn along the way is what is important. Bethie I am sorry your m was not restored. Then God has another plan for your life.

I do know that without God and my somewhat patience, understanding and showing unconditional love I would not still be on this path today.

I am just grateful for what I have today. Life is short and too short not to love each other the way God intended.

God Bless!

[faithisbelieving]

Beth..glam..thanks.

Anger.

But I return it with calm. Last night, my W trudged into bed.

Me: Goodnight, XXX.

No response.

It's OK. My approach has always been that I won't treat her with the same anger that she is treating me.

This morning ( I made a crockpot beef stew the other day).

Me: XXX, did you try the stew?
XXX: No. I didn't know there was some (? she turned the slo cooker off the other day)
Me: It came out really great. Try it.

Today....after quite some time...I finally connected the DVD player to the back of the flat panel..and...VOILA.....IT WORKS.

Me: Whoa....I did it. XXX...you now have options for S7's BDay party sleepover this week.

My W heated the stew up for lunch before I left.

I don't know if she is going to return my openness with the law guardian with retribution or not. I don't know if she is plotting something. But I can't fall to her anger level. I can't....even if she screws me.

Finally, S7 wanted to snuggle last night.

Me: S7, I know that mom got mad at me the other day and I thank you for revealing the truth to her. Telling the truth is important. But....mommmy is just having a tough time. We both love you. I know you don't want us to get a divorce, but, mommy and daddy just have a tough time being happy together. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. YOU ARE A GOOD BOY and daddy loves you more than anything in the world. S7, I promise you....I will never hurt mommy....I love her. Do you believe me? (he nods). You will always have me...friends forever.

FIB

[craig54]

FIB, My heart goes out to you, you handled the conversation with your son well. Also good job on not returning your wifes anger.I know it confuses the heck out of them. I know how hard it is to not lash out, but Praise be to God for his unyielding support.

[4kids]

FIB,

Received this from a friend today. May not all apply to each of us, but thought provoking just the same:

******

For over 7 years, Regina Brett was a columnist at The Beacon Journal in Akron, Ohio. During that time, she was diagnosed and successfully treated for breast cancer.

Regina is now a columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio . Her column runs on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.
....................................................................................................................................................
Lessons in Life By Regina Brett

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone, everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.

******

N.

[smith18]

FIB, I got a tear reading about your talk with S7. Well done!

If it is like my situation, it will be so much better for you when your angry STBXW is not in the same house as you.

[faithisbelieving]

I don't understand it.....I just don't understand it.

I texted my W tonite to tell her that I'd be helping on an appendix and then going to the airport to pick up my sis and mom. She's TALKING TO ME AND NOW GOING TO PICK SOMETHING UP FOR ME TO EAT.

My G-D....what the F is up with this???????

FIB

[brandnewday]

Breathe honey Breathe!!!

((((hugs))))

[craig54]

I know it makes no sense, my wife can be talking about the divorce one minute and in the same breath ask me if I need something from the store. ??? Dont waste your breath trying to figure it out. like BND says breathe!!!

[glamgirl]

It does make sense. You were NICE and she responded. FIB do soemthing out of the ordinary for your w each day. Kind of like a test.

For example, if she likes coffee have a cup of coffee ready for her when she gets up.

Have a nice bouquet of red roses sent to the house for her.

All day long shower her with lovely compliments.

Each day something different! She's at home, so you can still do this!

Dare you!