Take your wife's threats seriously. She wants to you stumble and get drunk so that the girls can call her in to "rescue" the family and kick you out of your own house. She's tried to enroll your daughters as spies. Your daughters, rightly, have protected you. They are smarter than you think. If you stumble, not only might your wife get the house, you be given a restraining order, but your business might also get in serious trouble, you could slip into deep depression and then all four of you are up a creek. Don't kill the goose that lays the golden eggs: good strategy, smart girls. Protect Frank -- first order of the day.
On a similar note, when I described my situation to my pastor, he says it's a miracle that continue to come to church with all my kids, that I haven't gotten fired from my job, and that I don't come hom drunk every night. Infidelity and marital strife are the kinds of situations that destroy families: emotionally, financially and relationally. I think, therefore, showing tour wife the door was a survival strategy. It's self-care. It's not just getitng a life, it's saving a life.
Having said that:
1. Continue to go to AA. Protect Frank. Find some way to document that.
2. At some point, talk to your daughters and tell them you are in AA. Also ask them if they ever remember you being out of control or harmful when you've had too much to drink, aside from going to your room and sleeping it off. I'm not a family therapist, but I think in case of legal action, their testimony needs to be strongly in your behalf.
3. Talk to a lawyer. I know finances are tight, but, perhaps there might be some way around that.
