Another one Busted!!!!

[sandycay]

Well, thought a little update would be in order since we have passed the 3 month mark on August 10th.

I went to India for 2 weeks to see my husband and it was nice to get away from "real" life were no one knew and we could reconnect without kids and life things. We flew back together and it is weird having him home.

I find I can't settle....that's the only way to describe it. I think it's self protection...waiting for the other bomb to drop. He has given me no reason to feel that way and has behaved quite the opposite.

He is so scared I am going to kick him out or think the pain of healing from this is to much, or that I was to far gone from GAL and that I am not happy with him. We get along well...small bumps....usually kid issues

Big bumps:...ugh I hate living with the ghost of a third person. I am so tired of obsessing over this woman...sometimes it drives me crazy. I sometimes still have that disbelief that he did this.

It suprises me how unsafe I feel now. I always felt safe before and this has taken that away from now....that pisses me off.

It suprises me how much we both give to each other now and how we both really try to communicate our needs.

It suprises me that he chose me over her. (she's 10 yrs younger and no kid body)

It suprises me that he is back. Remember he was so in love with her? I know better now.

It suprise me that sometimes I feel like Plan B...she turned out to be the loose woman that I knew she was and he figured it out. Did he come home because he lost her....he says NO! He was thinking about coming home from the day he left. CRAZY!

It suprises me that I feel "closed in" by the closeness that we share. I love and crave it but sometimes I feel smothered by it.

It suprises me that I learned I could go on.

I suprises me that sometimes I feel he got off easy. I know he suffers because he share with me his feelings on this and I can see it in his eyes and soul.

It suprises me that sometimes I feel like making him suffer just to see if he will stay. (would never do it but it does cross the grey matter).

I write of these things to help vent and because, well this isn't an easy road to travel either. I am certainly so happy to be here, but I didn't think it was be such a brain jammer.

I still read most threads but haven't had time to reply much.

Addie...I am from AR originally where Lou started his great career! The best thing I did was set the boundaries, stop asking questions and GAL. Easier said than done, I know...I was so scared to do it. I thought it would push him further away as if he wasn't already out the door.