Piecing (or so I want to believe)

[7 Year Itch]

So, I'm back from camping, and it was WONDERFUL! Not wonderful in a "he professed his love and is moving home kind of way" (I wish) but wonderful in that we got along great, the girls had a GREAT time, and at the end I thanked him for inviting me, and he said he had a great time too.

Then I was an idiot, and had some R talk. STUPID. But he handled it ok ,and I don't think I did too much damage.

We used to camp so much before the girls. IT was one of "our" things. And it felt great to be up there again. We sat around the fire last night. I had wine (got amorous), we flirted ,and he invited me over to sit on his lap. Well, you know the routine. So there we were in our pop up trailer, the girls sleeping on the other side, and us, um well.......... yeah. So then he laid there and we fell asleep. Well, the great thing is, the trailer bed is SO small, he couldn't get away from me like he can in a king! LOL So he snuggled up, and even had his arm around me all night. Well until D2 woke up crying that she was cold. So H, moved over the other other side bed ,and snuggled with her. But ,wow, everytime I moved or shifted he would call out "are you ok? are you cold?" He kept checking on me which was so nice.

HE also knows I LOVE fishing. Love it, love it. And well, fishing uninterupted with the girls doesn't happen often. He totally told me to fish alone a couple of times. I even joked once.. "Oh, fine, you are just trying to get rid of me" to which he said........."No, I just know you like that".

He really went out of his way to make me feel wanted, and it felt great. Every time we are together it feels like home. God, I know we are SO far from being out of the woods, and he is SO far from feeling totally committed again, but GOD, I just want it NOW so bad.

So then we get home, and about 15 minutes after we get home, the hail starts. Then I hear that my county has a tornado warning, so I step outside to look, and yep, straight away we have a big tornado forming. It was far enough away to where I felt safe to call H and the girls outside. So we all stood outside and watched for awhile. Then another one formed, and this one was much closer, so we all headed in to the basement for awhile. EVerything was fine, and I got some great photos! LOL So anyway, I got a little Extra H time, because he wasn't leaving until everything passed. So he ended up being here until 8ish, which was not the original plan.

OK, so I know this is mega boring ,I'm just sort of on a high still. God, I want my family back. I want him home. I want to feel safe in my marriage again. And yet still, the response from him is "I don't know what is going to happen, but I am trying".

That alone is a HUGE leap from the first 3 months so I'm trying to hang on to that. But GOD, I'm so scared if it doesn't happen what it's going to do to me. The first time I was so blindsided I didn't have time to worry about it. This time, I feel like if he just says "nope I'm done" again, it's going to be even more devestating if that's even possible.

Yes, I'm stronger by DBing. Yes, I know I CAN live without him. But I don't want to. I love him so much.

Whew. OK, I'm off to bed. He'll be out bright and early in the morning to watch our D2 while I work (he has Monday's off), so I'll see him in 9 short hours again!

Chris