Coach... Hash is Hash House Harriers. It's an international group where the members get together to go hiking or running and then have a few beers afterwards.
GFI...I'll try that! I need to let him think he's in control at the least. Tomorrow I'm not contacting him nor and I going to ask him any questions when I see him in the morning.
I do take what he says and does personally and I jump to conclusions so fast his head spins
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Ok, I think I have heard of that. We have a running group here called Drinkers with a running Problem. I did the Dallas marathon last year. Lot of work. Beer the great international beverage. What do you do for yourself mentally? Spiritually?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's your call. It helps me. Especially since the only other person I talk to is the dog!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Church, pray and just talk to God like he's sitting there. I do try read the Bible for a few minutes. Since the W left, I pretty much hit my knees first thing in the morning. I am looking into yoga and a retreat.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Just want to toss in my two cents! I think we are similar in the way that we want things to go a certain way and when it doesn't turn out that way we get dissapointed and either blame ourselves or blame our spouse. I could be off but it kinda seems like it. Anyways for me those desires can turn into expectations. For example I think "wouldn't it be nice if hubby offered to take me out unexpectedly this week" and then I start thinking about how much I want it and it suddenly turns into an expectation and then when hubby does not offer to take me out then I get mad because it did not happen. The poor sap is wondering why I am so pissy while I am thinking "how could he not know what I wanted!"
It all kind of ties into what was being talked about on your last thread. . .before things went south about you thinking you had slid back to stage one when in reality you were just bummed that you had not reached stage 3 yet. Totally understandable and I think I do the same thing. Things are going really well and then I get mad and don't know why until I step back and realize that I am just being impatient and that even though I am in a good place I know there is a better place and I just want it to happen NOW! Lol.
So as hard as it is you just have to go day by day and work each day at letting it go little by little. I myself am a Christian woman and have been doing a lot of praying and I would recommend it to you for sure. Read the Bible and pray. I'm in Proverbs right now. The book of wisdom
Also. . .when are you starting your DB coaching? I saw that you have purchased a 3 session package. Do you have a start date yet?
Hi Daisy, Yes! I think you pretty well summed up some of the things that have been going on for a while. I really do need to take a deep breath and relax. To just let things happen when they happen and not push or rush them.
I did book the 3 DB sessions but I did it online so they are waiting for the charge to be made to the CC. I don't if they will call me or if I'm supposed to call them to make the first appointment. I guess I'll wait until tomorrow to see what to do. I'm looking forward to the 1st session.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Here is the infamous list that has been going around for quite some time. I thought I would post if here to my thread...after reading this list I realize I have some work to do. I'm ashamed to say I have broken over half of them
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1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turn the spouse completely off! 2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first. 3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, etc. 4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. (Remember, you are drawing your spouse back with this technique.) 5. Do not encourage talk about the future. 6. Do not ask for help from family members. 7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and being clingy.) 8. Do not buy gifts. (Can't buy his/her love and affection.) 9. Do not schedule dates together. (That is pursuing.) 10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to make your spouse say it too......he/she will despise you for it.) 12.Act "as if" you are moving on with your life! 13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! 14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, think of things to do. Go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be scarce or short on words, but don't sound rude. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing". Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. 16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! 17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) 19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun. 20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while) 21.Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. 22.Don't be overly enthusiastic, don't over-kill, b/c it will come across as fake. 23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) 24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. 25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. 26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell). 27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil) 28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. 29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30.Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy. 31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse 32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared. 33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm ashamed to say I have broken over half of them
Shame is the wrong word to use for yourself there. Negative self-talk. You just made a mistake, your human. Say you screwed up some of those but you can try better next time. That's the coach in me coming out I see you reaching out to MsMelancoly, she could use a woman's support and perspective.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
about you thinking you had slid back to stage one when in reality you were just bummed that you had not reached stage 3 yet. Totally understandable and I think I do the same thing. Things are going really well and then I get mad and don't know why until I step back and realize that I am just being impatient and that even though I am in a good place I know there is a better place and I just want it to happen NOW! Lol.