I wished I had found you a little sooner. I was an almost WAW. Had an EA with man over the Internet. Didn't turn into a PA and I didn't leave my H.....but wanted to. I agree with what the other WAW's have said to you. I experineced those feelings as well, but I just did not leave my home. It took a very long time to get through the process it takes. My H has been very patient and has given me the space at home that I've needed and has not pursued me. If he had done anything differently, I would not and could not have stayed.
I don't think I read where you have bought the DR book. Have you read it? It is most important that you do this. It is your tools to have to get your M back on track. Since the lunch is tomorrow, you don't have much time, do you? Well, the main things is not to pursue.....and everything is to a WAW seems like pursuing. Don't tell her that you still love her or try to show her any affection. Keep things like and don't talk about the R. If she wants to talk about it, then look her right in the eyes and listen to every word she says. Validate her. That is so important. If you don't know what to say, then just nod your head while she is talking. If you disagree, don't say so, but just say that you are sorry she feels that way about it. Try your best to not point out the good things in M and all the reasons to stay together. Just keep things simple and relaxed and fun. The idea is to just make a step forward to being "friends" and winning her trust in you. If she thinks you are going to over-whelm her with R talk and ILY's, then she is not going to be very trusting. Don't tell her that you are doing any reading or going on this board. Don't give away your "game plan".
Is she still in an affair? If so, how do you want to handle this? Do you want to try to draw her back by winning her "friendship" again with a new approach to a differnt type of R? Or do you want to cut to the chase and confront her about the affair and if she is still seeing OM?
I hope to hear from you soon. Would like to help any way that I can.
Take care, Sandi
Last edited by sandi2; 08/25/0802:24 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
