Hi Jimbo, I read your stitch and no, Puppy did not bail on you. It has only been three days since he last replied and besides, he is in very high demand here on the board. He probably has himself spread so thin, he can't get around to everyone and have a life left for himself! Anyway, there are great folks here and willing to help as long as you will listen and try to help yourself. It will be better to find one forum and stay there so we can keep up with what is going on. If this doesn't get many responses, then I suggest you go to Newcomers forum.
I was an almost WAW. Man, how many times I have introduced myself as that. I have been here a little over a year and it seems more like a century b/c it is hard and it take a very long time. There are no magic spells, no quick fixes, no bewitching moments of falling in love all over again........only very hard work and changes. Both, of which, will be on your part. So, unless you can determine to have the patient of Job (in the Bible) and hang in here for the long haul, then you won't make it. You have got to have a lot of strength. You have got to "man-up" like never before. You will have to take the 2x4's when you need them. And, you can't afford to feel sorry for yourself. This is a job for someone with much endurance. And remember this......your wife is not the one here....you are. So, it will be you that we talk to and at times you will think that we should be saying that to your wife.....but she isn't here. We can only talk to you. Which brings me to something else. Never let her read your DR book or try to get her to read this board. That would be the worst thing to do. Don't try to get her to read any M books or watch videos or any of that stuff. She isn't interested and it is pursuing. Everything to her from you is seen as pursuing.....you might as well realize that now.
Puppy is about the best man around for laying it on the line to you guys about WAW's that are involved in an affair. He doesn't believe in the "soft" approach, as you probably saw. There have been only one or two things that I probably have ever disagreed with him about and I can't even remember what those were at the moment.
I can give you the view point for the WAW, but that is not to say that I defend them. I just understand how most of them feel b/c of my own stitch.
Embarassing for me to say, I was past the age that you think that most women would leave their H's for another man. Just goes to show you that it can happen at anytime and to any person. I was your typical "proper wife" (as I refer to myself) and the last thing I ever....ever thought about was looking at another man.....much less actually having an EA with one over the Internet.
I can give you the beginning of my first thread when I came on board. I can tell you that the advice that I got from some very wise DBers saved my 40+ year M. Now, I am trying to help others by giving them what I have learned through my own stitch and also just things I've learned about "life" over a period of many years. I got married very young and went straight from my parents home to my MIL'S home to live with my young H. It would take pages and pages to tell all the things that happened to cause us to get off on the wrong foot. But, we stuck it out for all those years until......something happened to me. I am still not sure what it was. I used to think it was a MLC, but I was too old for that.....although I had all the "signs". Maybe it was years and years of things combined that just made me go kind of "looney", but whatever it was, I was able to pull out of the fog a lot sooner than most people claim to do and I give this board the credit for that.....and for helping me get "straight" again. So, please stay here with us until you can get yourself together. There have been many success stories. Most of them have gone their way to live happily ever after (we hope), but the rest of us are still here helping each other by trying to encourage and advise.
Have you been following the DR book? I have to tell you that I have read very many books on MR and it is one of the very best. It works! It may be too late to save your M. DR does not promise to save marriages, but if you follow the guildlines, it will come the closest to doing it than anything else can......and even if it doesn't save it.....you will be okay in the end.
So, here is the link to my first thread. Hope to hear from you after you read it.
