Thinking of biting the bullet

[ACJ]

I had an email this afternoon from Hs aunt that lives in Australia. She is his dad's sister (FIL died 19 years ago). In a previous message I had told her how H seems to be spending out of control and today she told me that her brother always had trouble living within his means as he always wanted MIL to have the best. I did not know this and answers a lot of things from the past. Ironically it seems all he learned from his mother was to squirrel money away and hide it where nobody else is likely to find it. What he forgets is that I was there when she was leading by example.

[BeingMe]

He may squirrel away money, but if he is found out, then that is fraud, if he is supposed to declare it all in a court of law. I would think the same would in the UK as it would here in Canada or in the USA. Thankfully, you are not responsible for any of his debts, and he is still responsible for his children, as are you, of course, but you are the responsible parent, so that goes without saying.

I am sending positive vibes your way that something good shows up on your doorstep soon. Something that will tell you that there is good in the world, that great things do happen, but sometimes we just have to get through all the cr@p first. I am, of course, telling myself this as well. I've had one heck of a fortnight, but that's another story.

Take care.

[ACJ]

thanks BM.
It's actually MIL who has squirreled away money - in Hs name. As such they are legally his assests and I have notified my L of this. This is why he was spitting feathers on Sunday. I don't want her money but if H and I had stayed together my chilren and I would have benefitted from that money as things are at the moment we will not. That is why is has been brought out in the open. I just want my house without having to buy H out of it.

I've spent all day trying to contact S16. He gets his exam results tomorrow. I eventually got him about 5pm. I asked him what time he can collect his results from school and said I would meet him there. He told me H would be there so I asked him why that meant I couldn't be too. He said there wasn't a reason so we made arrangements.

About half an hour ago he TMd me saying H was not very happy that I was going and would I please stay away. I refused. I said I had every right to be there and that I had no intention of fighting with H. I also pointed out that it was time that H remembered that he was a grown up and should put our children's best interests first. He then sent me a TM saying in that case he would go by himself. I am still going to turn up (as I suspect that is what H will be doing). As I pointed out to S16 I've invested a lot of time and love into him and wild horses won't keep me away.

How dare H continue to try and force me out of my own son's life like this.

Earlier on this evening D18 fell out with H again. She has tonsillitus and told her that she hadn't. Apparently due to the fact that he suffered with this condition until he was about 20 (which I knew) he is the world expert. She told him that the healthcare professionals she works with ( a pharmacist and a nurse) had both looked at her throat independently and said it looked like tonsillitus (and I concurred) but it seems he had his arrogant head on and told her that she (and they) were wrong. She got up and walked out. She is seeing the Dr in the morning so we will see. She certainly has white exudate on her throat but 'Dr' H said they were blisters!

I love my H very much but the longer this goes on the more toxic his R with me and our children is becoming. That can't be good for any of us.

[Truelove]

Oh ACJ,
You have to deal with so much rubbish. It seems that there is no end to your drama. I am so sorry about what you are constantly going through. I just hope for you that you will find peace soon. (((HUGS)))

[ACJ]

Thank you TL.

Once, you saw the world differently. No doubt there will come a time when you see it differently again. You can't legislate for this, though. You have to deal with how you feel, while you are feeling it. But you must also acknowledge how you used to feel. You can't just separate yourself from an old commitment or a previous promise just because you no longer feel inspired to uphold it. By being honourable and upright now, you free yourself to move on properly with pride and positivity.

this is Hs horoscope for tomorrow. If only he were able to think like this my life and that of my children would be so much different.

[naej]

Hi ACJ, I see you are a Jonathan Cainer fan! I always read it last thing before I go to bed.

Hope results are what your son is expecting and not as my head used to say I hope you get what you deserved!

I am sad that son is caught up in this as you are too, men!

[Truelove]

Wishing you a nice week-end without any stress or aggrevation. Take care.(((HUGS))) xxx

[ACJ]

My son did well in his exams: 3 As, 4 Bs, 2Cs and 2Ds. He even managed to get a C (which is a pass) in English language which is the subject he failed to turn up to one of the exams for. Just think what he could have done if he had just read his timetable correctly!

The actual collection of the results didn't go well though. I turned up at school at the alloted time but he wasn't there and as I could see that they had opened up early and that children were leaving with thier results in their hands I thought I had missed him. So I rang to see how he had done but he hadn't left home yet. Unfortunately he heard all the other kids in the background and realised where I was. He said he wasn't going to arrive at school until I had left. I was really hurt especially when I knew that H was taking him to the school.

He came round to see me afterwards and stayed a while but I had been crying so it didn't go well (again). I clearly hit a nerve when I implied that H was manipulating him b/c he went ballistic.

I think we sorted it in the end b/c I took him and D18 out for tea to celebrate in the end. D13 was staying at her grandmas for the week with a friend.

My parents are here for the holiday weekend and are helping me decorate S16s room. It will probably end up being D13s new room as she currently only has a very tiny box room and his room is quite large and in the attic.

D13 was less than happy when my parents brought her home as I have confiscated the web cam as I have reason to believe she has been using it inappropriately. I also shut down her 'MySpace' site for the same reason. At 13 she shouldn't have had one anyway as you are supposed to be 14. She hasn't mentioned the website yet but boy did we have some tantrums over the webcam.

D18 has gone to Corfu for a week with her BF. I dropped them off at the airport yesterday. Just before we left S16 phoned to speak to D13. She wasn't here for his bday and he wanted to know if she wanted to go round to Hs to see him. She had gone to visit her friend who was going on holiday today at the time. He wasn't very happy about this and made some comment about not seeing her for 2 weeks and HE IS HER BROTHER! I very nearly made some comment about him only seeing us when it was convenient to him and how it didn't make the rest of us want to put ourselves out for him but I resisted the temptation. I just stayed quiet. He came today to see my parents. He hasn't seen them since April when he went to live with H b/c he has stayed away on purpose when they have been here before.

My whole family is fragmented all b/c H wanted his freedom. I'm not sure I can ever forgive him for that.

[Truelove]

Just wanted to say hi and that I am thinking of you. I am happy for you that your son is doing so well at school. (((HUGS))) xxx

[BeingMe]

It does hurt when our children do this, ACJ! It always will, no matter their age. You just have to try and let it go, and just love him unconditionally. One day he will realise who really loves him (he knows this already, subconsciously). He is just trying to enforce his independence ... too early, but I think this is a result of your H's stupidity, but you can't control that. All you can control is YOU! And, a clingy, desperate, mom is unattractive to a 16 yr old boy. Play it cool! Girls are easier when it comes to emotions, and such, but boys get uncomfortable, and want to just leave. During a D, we want our sons to be our heroes, but they generally (and, I stand to be corrected) identify with their dads.

I do so understand how you are feeling though. My son was about your son's age when I was going through all this cr@p! He is 21 now, and is such a joy. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been around when I had my seizure 2 weeks ago.

Please, try and play it cool, and calm. Let your H build or break his R with the kids, and you do the same. Be the best mom you can be while setting boundaries, and letting them know your expectations. Punish accordingly. BTW, I don't think you should've bought the iPod. Too late now, but that was almost trying to buy his affection. Doesn't work.

Okay, enough 2x4's ... please forgive me if I come across as harsh. I just hate it when we moms get the short end of the stick while the WAH's waltz through life as if all is peachy keen, but their time will come. All we can do is work on us.

Take care.