Sorry I have not posted for awhile. My day of writing got shot to pieces but I had a much better day instead. . .with hubby! \:\)

Long story short we ended up getting together yesterday. He came over first thing in the morning so we could go to a hot spring together. When he first got here we snuggled in bed for awhile and that was nice of course. I had a few things to finish doing before we could leave and so he just hung out and played with the cats. Then we left and went to the store to get water bottles and we stopped to get gas and breakfast. It was nice because we have not gone on a road trip in the longest time and it was nice to just be like a normal couple, grocery shopping and getting him something to eat. Felt like old times. The hot springs were like an hour and a half away and we listened to music (squabbling all the way, hehe, we never agree about music) and just talking about life in general. We avoided R talks thank goodness! We had been having a few of those via text/phone call the past two days and I had had it! So we just had fun.

We hiked to the hot springs (about a mile and a half in) which was nice. I was trying my best to keep up! The hot springs were nice and private ;\) we had our own room and soaking "tub" and we had some fun there. A lot of the time we were just quiet and enjoying nature. We did talk though and it was all positive. Some borderline future talk as far as army plans and life plans. I was really positive and affirmative to what hubby was saying. I think I did a really good job!

We hiked back to the car. Only one bad thing happened on the hike back. I had a flash of bitterness. . .My hubby was talking about being sent to Iraq (which could happen next year sometime) which he seems to not mind which bothers me because our counselor said that part of our marriage issues seem to stem from the 6 months we spent apart last year when he was away for training so I said something about how I hoped he did not have to go to war and we did not really argue but it was obvious that we disagreed about it and then I got kind of mad and said "that's what just kills me is that I spent 6 months waiting for you to come home and now this is what has happened." Which I know was not good but hubby took it ok. He was quiet for awhile and kind of slowed his pace. After a few minutess I said I was sorry for the outburt and he took my hand and said it was okay. So I know I should have kept my mouth shut but that is not exactly my strong point. At least it turned out ok. Didn't really phase us. We continued joking around and laughing all the way back to the car and the drive home was good. A lot of physical interaction. . .

We got home and decided to take a shower which was very nice ;\) and were planning on having sex afterwards but right as we were in my bedroom my parents got home and so we had to put it on hold since we figured that would be kinda awkward. Lol. When can I move out? \:\) Oh well.

So we went to dinner instead and then went across the street to get hubby a new pair of work shoes. Again this was nice because we just felt like a normal couple again. Out shopping after dinner. I don't know it just feels good. One kinda weird thing was that he ran into one of his guard friends (female) who was working as our cashier at the shoe store and he did not introduce me which I found odd. I'm sure she knows he is married and just assumed and she was nice and everything but I was kinda bummed that he was not like "this is my wife." Oh well. Can't win them all!

Anyways we went back to my parents house and watched a movie. It was kinda weird because he does not really know how to act around them because he feels like they are mad at him, which they are not, but I understand. He played with the cats and met my new gerbil (to replace the one who died) and we just had a good time watching the movie and snuggling on the couch. It kind of felt like when we were dating, waiting until they were out of the room and then making out like teenagers. Lol. Kind of silly.

When the movie was over and my parents went to sleep he came to "tuck me in" and we ML. Which was amazing. Afterwards we cuddled for a little while but it was getting late and we both had to be up semi-early today and he had a hour drive to get back home. So he said goodbye.

I texted him before I went to sleep to say goodnight and to tell him that I had a good time. He texted me when he got home to let me know he was safe and said goodnight.

So all in all my weekend wasn't nearly as lonely as I thought it was going to be. Quite a surprise considering the mood he has been in this past week but yesterday all smiles and happy. I know he is still confused though and has even said how much better we are doing but he thinks of it in context of once a week get togethers and not an actual relationship. He still does not seem sure that we could live together and be happy. He thinks that we would be happy at first but then go back to arguing and be miserable again. He even said that he is not sure he is meant to be in that close of relationship because of the amount of time he needs to himself. These things were all said in text conversations on Friday. So I was confused and hurt and ready to give up but then we had such a great day together yesterday. Im just praying and waiting for our session together tomorrow to start figuring that stuff out. He asked me what I wanted him to do about it and I said we go to our session and you tell our counselor everything you are telling me and we see what he says and then we talk about it later. He said ok. So we shall see.

He has a birthday party to go to tomorrow night at 8 so we will probably spend the day together after our session and then he will leave from my house to go to the party since it is halfway between my house and the house he is staying at. So I guess we will have enough time to talk through some things. I am just hoping the session goes well and we get a lot of ground covered. I sometimes get stressed because it is such a short time (50 minutes) to talk about so much and I just want to throw everything out there but at the same time I know it is something that cannot be rushed and I need to prioritize my concerns and work them out one by one. So tomorrow I think I will let the counselor lead us (he is the professional after all) and let my husband do the most talking since he is the one with all the really big concerns and thoughts now. I will have time to get my issues worked out later.

Sorry for the long post. I hope it makes sense!

ITH~I do need to start working out (hiking yesterday showed me that \:\) much) but when I finally got all my jogging gear I got this massive bug bite on the back of my calf, kinda near the bend in my knee and it swelled up to golf ball size and made it painful to walk or cross my legs, let alone go jogging so I got slowed down but it has healed for the most part and I think I will go out on Tuesday. I also have my sisters room to turn into a workout space since she has moved back to college so now that I have room I will be working out a lot! I hope. \:\)

~Daisy