Hi ((((((Girlie)))))))), I'm here to offer hugs. I imagine you are hurting. It's so hard to hear that the men we love aren't really what they project or aren't who we want them to be.
xoxoxo
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Gypsy Butterfly - While I know we've both made mistakes in our marriage (h and I; not you and I), I have been the only one actively working to save it for months and months. So, yes, it's time for him to get to work. It's time for him to win me back. I don't know if it's possible, but he should do his very best to give it a go. We'll see what happens.
Kerry - Indeed, Gypsy's writing is unfreakingbelievable.
Sara - Not possible that OW isn't interested in my h sexually. This I KNOW. I don't know if my h is interested in her sexually, and I don't care. It's the emotional connection that has bothered me all along.
Smartcookie - I wish I could have you as my personal guru to teach me to teach him how to treat me. I'm feeling strong right now, but I could feel a bit stronger. I'm the one who doesn't like to put people out or give them unnecessary burdens... I need to commit myself to the idea that my needs are not a burden to the man who loves me. Thanks for the insight and magnificently warm hugs.
Mike - Bro, I really do appreciate your male perspective. I don't want to be played. I want to believe he's the person I thought he was. Shouldn't I give him a chance to show me one way or the other? Or, do you think it's a lost cause? I do enjoy his newly rediscovered kindness and would be happy to remain friends with him... but if we could be as happy as we were in the very early days - wow! I might be "hyper-sensitive" but you don't offend me, Mike. I know you're looking out for me and I deeply appreciate you.
gFMofU - You are absolutely correct. No more nookie. I need to be able to think clearly. If he truly cares, he will be happy to put the physical relationship on a back burner for as ever long as necessary.
lwb - You are so much stronger than I. I've always been so accommodating because I felt any connection was better than nothing. You always inspire me to be a stronger person. I'm sorry your H continues to muddle your mind and break your heart.
lovelycookie - thanks for more hugs. I can never get enough. I'm not sure that I'm hurting. I'm not sure what I feel at the moment... it could be indifference. Maybe something has happened to my amygdala after all.
I saw my C today. His office called with a cancelled appointment and asked me if I wanted to take the time slot. My short term memory is pretty much shot due to so much on my mind and lack of sleep, so I was almost 20 minutes late before I remembered where I was supposed to be, but we still had plenty of time to discuss the latest developments. My C suggested a book called "You Just Don't Understand". He suggested I take this "separation" with a cautiously optimistic approach and that I ask my husband what he sees happening during this time (spending time together, spending time apart, discussing needs, etc.). I have changed so much over the past 8 months that my husband may not like the person I've become and I certainly won't be reverting back to the my formerly meek self.
I'm still incredibly grateful for this experience no matter what happens. It's an interesting part of my life story for sure. I'm so honored to share it with all of you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I want to believe he's the person I thought he was. Shouldn't I give him a chance to show me one way or the other? Or, do you think it's a lost cause? I do enjoy his newly rediscovered kindness and would be happy to remain friends with him... but if we could be as happy as we were in the very early days - wow!
It's pretty clear he's not what he was when you first met.
Only you can truly decide how much time you're willing to give him.
I think you should have hope until the end but I also think that a WAS needs to put forth concrete actions which show they are changing and willing to work on the M and in your H's case that should be, 1. total transparency and dumping of the OW, like yesterday. 2. stop hiding things from you in locked boxes. 3. stop using sex as something to keep you in the M and give you hope..it's like he dangling some type food he knows you can't resist..he's using sex to keep you in the M. That borders on abuse in my book. 4. I think the old boy is a playa..he's playing you and I bet he plays OW the same way.
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I do enjoy his newly rediscovered kindness and would be happy to remain friends with him... but if we could be as happy as we were in the very early days - wow!
friendship is a good start. and if you can be happy again and he can stop cake eating and treat you/cherish you like you deserve then I say GOOD ON HIM and GOOD ON YOU..if he can't then I say let him go eat cake..
you hang in there and stop letting him disrespect you. Don't tolerate that chitt from man, woman or any other thing..
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 08/22/0802:23 AM.
I hope that which ever way your sitch goes that it works out to be what's best for you. Maybe you'll be someone who came here looking for a happy ending for your marriage and be able to say that there is one! That sure would give so many hurting people hope.
Thanks for the compliment. I only seem to know how to put myself down when it comes to communicating verbally. Ask Ms. Imp.. she's talked to me... I stutter, sputter, stop in mid sentence and go in a completely different direction all with a Valley Girl voice.
