Gotta run to church here shortly, but I missed your call and wanted to tell you a couple things.
They can only hurt us because of how strong and deep our love was for them. And you remain susceptible for awhile, because it will take awhile for that "hopeful love" to slowly wane.
Don't allow yourself to fall into abused spouse behavior. Your message to me on the phone sounded like a classic physically abused wife line, the kind of stuff they would say a few days after the last beating.
You WANT to think nice things about your wife. You WANT to believe her when she suggests that YOU are the driving force here, not her. You WANT to believe that she actually WANTS to save the relationship.
FIB, I'm sorry, but you know that's not true.
You filed for full custody at a time when your wife was totally off the wall in her behavior. Remember stinky kids and no housework? Remember an inability to prepare a meal for the kids? Remember leaving them in front of the videos?
Yes, she looks more together now, and perhaps she is. And perhaps she's doing a great job of keeping up the facade until the legal proceedings are over.
You on the other hand have tried your best to handle everything with integrity and compassion. Do I really need to remind YOU now of all the things you have reminded US of over the past couple years? I don't think I do.
The conversations with the child guardian representative, surprisingly enough, BOTH contained the absolute truth. What you shared as to your reasons for filing for full custody was absolutely truth, despite your wife's recent behavior. The surprise is that what SHE told the guardian was absolutely true also - you are a wonderful father.
Rest in that.
I'm sorry for the anger and her shutting you out again. Who knows why, truth is it just doesn't matter anymore.
Be who you are, try to handle her with loving compassion to the best of your ability. Return love and kindness for her anger and hatefulness. Then you will be able to lay your head on your pillow in peace each night.
I'll check in after church.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
