First Post - Advice on a nightmare with no end

[Livin4ME]

(((Jimi))))
First off, I wanna tell you I relate yet again to your sitch. I think she has received the same manual as my H!!! And secondly, I have to agree with Puppy. Just from my own experience, this is why.
Altho she is wanting to 'end things' with the OM in 'her way', it sounds like she is not 100% committed to you. She's worried things will get right back into the same pattern you were in before she WA. So she's keeping him as an option just in case. It sucks to hear that I know, but that came straight from the horse's mouth.
But there's still hope. Continue DBing. Let her bring up the conversations. Reconfirm what you've already said to her, but don't get pushy with it. I felt that in my own sitch, when H brought up the OW, it was like he was pushing me to get a reaction. So in a way, it was like he was wanting me to blow up so that he would be right. We would continue fighting and such. And that was the only thing we fought about, was HER!!
So when she brings the OM up, reconfirm what you've already told her and that's it. End of discussion. Like Puppy said, stop letting her control the sitch. It's no longer her's to control. YOU decide when to end the conversation about him. You know the outcome from previous conversations. So it's time for you to change the outcome by changing your reaction.
When she's 100%, she won't care who knows. She may not flaunt it, but she won't hide it either.