For me the detaching was so hard in the begining, I was almost obsessed with my Husband's every move.
But I learned to do it, very slowly.
It took maybe the first 12-18 months post bomb to really say that I was detached and was able to fully function normally without my Husband being on my mind 24/7.
It probably helped me that he lived 3000 miles away. I didn't have to run into him anywhere and as he didn't come and visit me or the children, my only communication was the phone or email.
I remember one day being brave enough to actually turn off the cell phone and unplug the house phone for the whole weekend. I needed peace and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
My relationship with God began to take precedence over my relationship with my Husband, and that was one of the best things that happened to me.
A Poster named Newman once made a comment to me about being still and staying in the Refiner's Fire, and that was a huge turning point for me.
It was a time for me that was really peaceful and even though it was one of the hardest times of my life, it was also the closest I have ever been to God. I think I have made many references to the Refiner's Fire all over this site.
Some of the points that SG made are quite valid though.
Many things that my Husband would spew to me in anger were greatly exaggerated, BUT there was an element of truth to the words.
Once I had learned how to detach from him emotionally, I was able to listen to what he was saying without being sucked into the drama of his MLC.
I also had a really good therapist and was taking AD's and AA's, and of course, I had this site to come to.
BUT, there is another side to detachment....
When and if they come home.
Learning to reattach during the piecing is so so hard.
It was harder for me then the actual detaching.
Having to re-learn how to live with someone again and to be able to have to share your life again and give up half of the closet and be accountable for your time.
When he came home, after the MLC, I actually thought I was going to have a crisis of my own.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
