MLC BS

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Read Mike's thread here in MLC Patrick.

Start talking with him. I think it would be good for you.

[Patrick325]

two days till the mediation....I'm nervous and I don't know wht to do...I want to keep the kids here during the week so they will pick up their grades but I don't want to go to war with my W. She threatened me the other day when we were working on the house..she said "I'll see you in court, and I am gonna have some things to say.." I don't know what she means but I have to protect my kids....How can I try to protect them and save my marriage??

[Patrick325]

I started reading Mike's sitch Jack. It sounds very familiar and I think he is doing better than I am. My W and I are more argumentative types and I have a hard time maintaining a civil relationship with her. I think having her move in with the neighbor hasn't made it any easier. My W doesn't seem to realize the damage she is doing to our 3 daughters either. I have reached the one year mark since the bomb and I am exhausted and getting negative about our prospects....

[Patrick325]

I guess the end of my marriage is inevitable. We went to mediation and came to an agreement. I'm screwed no matter what I do. My lawyer said I will be better off to pay her now than drag it out in court and pay all of the fees involved. So once I sign that I guess it's over....I saw my wife afterward. She parked right next to me. I asked her why she's done this to me and all she seemed concerned with was the money. She does't even realize or care that I'm heartbroken. But I guess I should have expected that. It seems like it's happened so fast....All the nights of praying and hoping and trying to DB wasn't enough.

[Imageer]

It seems like it's happened so fast....All the nights of praying and hoping and trying to DB wasn't enough.

I think you are putting to many expectation on this in too little time. What your wife is doing now is a function of her current state of mind. This will take more than a year to resolve itself.

My W and I are more argumentative types and I have a hard time maintaining a civil relationship with her.

I find and I have noticed in others, that our MLCers tend to mirror how we deal with them. If you are argumentative, you will get argumentative back. Trying being nice to her. Kill her with kindness. It's like you tell a kid. "Treat others like you want to be treated"

When I first came here validation was the word of choice. If she tells you that you're an A-hole, say to her "I'm sorry you feel that way" It's corny but it does work and it stops the escallation of anger.

It helps to remind yourself that her anger may be directed at you but it is often more about her than you.

My W doesn't seem to realize the damage she is doing to our 3 daughters either.

Your W is no different than any of the others. Either none of them realize this, or they do but they don't tell us or they are so caught up in their own self centeredness (I don't think that is a word) that they don't care. However, what she does or does not realize at the moment is not your concern right now. You have to be the rock for your kids. You can't control how she deals with them.

[Patrick325]

It may not be very long but our divorce will be finalized soon. I told myself I would hang on until that happened. Now I just feel like I can't hang on, for my kids or myself. I just feel like I am wasting my time living a pipe dream that this can work out...I am wondering if God is telling me that my kids and I will be better off with us as seperate parents...I don't know what to think anymore...

[Imageer]

If after the D you are not going to hang on, then what are you planning to do?

[Patrick325]

I don't know....I know I will make my kids my priority but I guess I will start dating. I just feel like a loser waiting for something that may never happen. I won't try to get into anything serious until my kids are older but I truly miss female companionship...

[sleeper]

You, "feel like a loser"?

Join the club, you're in the right place.

You, "don't know"? Then you won't get.

If you want "female companionship," then go for it.

If you want your marriage back, then go for that.

"You can't get what you want, til you know what you want." Joe Jackson of Steely Dan

[Imageer]

I know I will make my kids my priority

That goes without saying, you should be doing that now.

I just feel like a loser waiting for something that may never happen.

I felt like a loser for the longest time. I felt like I walked around with "Failure" written across my forehead.

You are not waiting for something to happen that may never happen. You have a goal and you are working towards that goal. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

To me, what it comes doesn to is what are you going to bring to another R if you are not over your W. Just because she ran out and divorced you doesn't mean that YOU are done.

If moving on is what you want to do then do it. It is your choice and I won't fault you for that. However, you don't seem like you want to move on, you just want the hurting to stop.