Yes, we all have been where you are, and have made the same errors in dealing with it. And yes, we all wanted it to end much quicker than what we were experiencing. Days seemed like months, months like years, years like a life time.
That is why it is SO important that you not try to push things or try to analyze things as much as you tend to. And yes...most if not all of us have done THAT too. That's why we post to you to NOT make the same mistakes that we have.
Every situation may be a little different, but there are some things that seem to hold true in all of our experiences.
As hard as it may be, I do see you making small steps forward in dealing with this. It is very important that you try not to backslide. It seems to take much longer to get back on your feet if you do. And the more you handle things the way you have, the easier it will become to not think so much about it..or about his motives, moods, etc.
You seem to need our opinions more than I feel (and it's just my opinion) than is healthy for you. You need to find your own balance, and rely less on others opinions. We're definitely here to support anyone that is going through a rough patch, but when I see you posting asking where everyone is, and that you need someone to talk to, I wonder if you take quiet time for yourself..to talk to Him... And if you're trying to give this all over to Him, you have to stop talking/obsessing so much, so that you can hear HIM speaking to YOU.
I know how much it helps to post things here, and have others answer and give support and advice. But I also know that this shouldn't be your first /only place to come for it. You know what I mean? Other peoples opinions are just that...it doesn't mean that anyones is more right or wrong than the next.
We have to believe in ourselves first, find that self-balance in our OWN lives before we can start to live more peacefully and easier while we're on our own. You , I am sure, are a wonderful person. Believe in yourself, respect yourself, don't look to your H or others to measure you're own worth. Don't wonder what your H is doing when he's not around you..and don't place any bets on what he's thinking/feeling when he IS around you. If you ask him, he's more than likely going to give you an untrue/partial answer.
You have so much to be thankful for at this point, and when others tell you to start rebuilding your life, that is exactly what you need to be thinking/doing!! You're getting a second chance, even if there might be a few limitations for awhile . Do you really realize how fortunate you are, or are you so wound up in trying to read your H, that you've lost sight of yourself. Hey, I've been divorced now for 2 years, haven't spoken to H in 2 years, and I STILL find myself wondering what's going on in his life and his mind. Human nature I guess, and quite normal. But I don't dwell on it, and you will get there yourself if you start putting you and your kids first.
I never, ever thought I was going to be able to do some of the things I've been 'pushed' to do since H walked out of the marriage. Growing pains to be sure. But I am soooooooo proud of myself for being able to move forward, even if I leave the door cracked abit while doing it. I can still live my own life while praying for restoration in His timing. I'm not putting myself on hold...I'm learning new things everyday, trying new things, and trying to push myself to find a 'safe' social life outside of work.
My kids are grown, so I'm on my own. And living by yourself can be lonely, BUT believe me there are some positives to it, too. LOL After 30 years of always being there for someone, being polite around others, etc....I can now walk around dressed/undressed as I like. I can watch whatever I want, not wait for someone else to get out of the shower/bathroom. My laundry is way down. I can be very impolite if my body decides it's mutiny time after eating(is that a polite enough way of phrasing it?? LOL)
I miss the companionship, the person to talk to about my day and theirs, I miss the warm body and the snoring, I miss not having someone special to go on outings with, to talk about the kids and their lives with. Someone I shared so many decades with. But I do go from day to day knowing that I am not alone, that I feel very right in putting this all in His hands, and that no matter how I might feel, that I'm going down the road I'm suppose to go down for this time in my life.
You are on this journey for a reason TOH. You aren't suppose to dwell on the 'why', but concentrate on what lessons you're learning along the way. You are going to come out a very different person than the one you went into this as..IF you believe that you are NOT in control of this or anyone..but you can control yourself, your thoughts, your words, your actions.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
