WAW is back

[sandi2]

Welcome to Piecing. I'm Sandi, and I was almost a WAW, so I know a little about what your W's emotions have been. I have learned a lot about the LBS and the pain they experience due to the walk out of their loved one. I hope you will stick with the board, b/c as I've told so many new folks, it really saved my M and it got me back on the right path. It has been my therapy and if I can do anything to "pay it forward" I would like to do that. I have been on this board almost every days since I first came. It helps reading other threads and posting to other people.

I read the first few posts that you sent in the beginning and saw where your W walked away and now she has returned home and is pregnant again. I sure hope that you have made some very good and life-long changes....b/c you have got your work cut out for you. Just b/c we are able to come to the "Piecing" forum doesn't mean we are all healed and mended and have our "success stories" ready to post. I know you were encouraged to come here, and that is okay, but your problems are not over and I hope you do realize that. I don't say that to depress you and try to pull the rug out from under you. I suppose I am the type that just dives in and gets right to the point.....so please don't misunderstand and think I'm being rude. I try to talk to a lot of people and I forget to take time to stand on polite manners at times. (In face, I had to go back to introduce myself..lol)

Your children are being born very close together and it is going to be very hard on your W. It will be hard on you also. I am saying this b/c it is very important to understand that your work on the MR has actually just got started good.....you just shifted gears is all.

I am glad that you have seen her excited about being home and that the two of you are experiencing a "honeymoon period", but you know (I hope) that eventually this will probably begin to settle down and her pregnant hormones are going to be working over-time and the reality of the stitch is going to slap you right in the face.

I looked at the time frame of when you came on board and when she left, when she came back and she's pregnant. A lot has been going on and I only say that to say this.......I don't think the two of you have had near enough time to work things out so I hope and pray that you both will continue to go to the sessions or you will find yourselves right back where you were before.

The environment that you grew up in, and thereby molding part of your behavior patterns.....that is very hard to break. It is not impossible, but very hard. She has her faults as well, so it will take hard work. Even though this is a "good" time for both of you......there are no magic spells or quick fixes....only hard word for a long time. Those two words....time and patient are the most used words here on the board.....and probably the most hated by all the LBS.

The point I'm trying to make is that you two have a very good chance at happiness with each other. You obviously are still in love with each other, young and hopefully a long life ahead for both of you. But, I know from observing many, many others.....that all those promises you probably made to yourself and some to her....will fall by the way side if you don't make an extra effort every single day to really continue to almost live by the DB principles. Especially during this year. It has been a year and a half since I almost walked out on 41 years of M to the same man. So, I know what I mean by telling you that if you don't keep working at improving yourself and improving the M, it won't last. Yes, I know, I am probably saying things you don't want to hear while you are on your honeymoon phase, but I want this M to last. There are three children depending on it.

I won't take up more time right now, but I would like to know if you have made out a list of goals that you are working on to improve yourself and now to help the MR keep healing and getting better. I did not see it on the other thread, but did not read all of it. If you haven't made goals, you really need to in order to stay on track and it will help you focus.

Again, welcome to this forum. There are a lot of good people here, but a lot of us go to other parts of the board to try to see if we can be of help to other couples. I still see you as a "newbie" b/c you really have not been here long at all and you may not get as much response in this forum as they do in the Newcomers, so if you aren't as happy here....you can move back or go to any forum you wish. Whatever.....just don't leave, okay?

Take care and I'll check on you later.

Sandi