U'v got to learn to live w/ what U can't rise abuv

[grant]

Lola,
As I am only a month or so into DB ing, I would never presume to offer any advice, but I really wanted to say that I am thinking if you, and the enormous pain and turmoil that you are going through. You have been so kind to me with your support and much needed advice, and I am so grateful that in the midst of your troubles you have found time and energy to think about my situation. It's true I think, as my dear Mum says, that when you are going through dreadful times in your life, it can help to focus on others, and the concept of "service" has it's own rewards. In my better and more positive moments, I know that this is true. Putting out goodwill and kindness to others who have problems or are in unfortunate circumstances, I believe, has far reaching consequences in our own lives. I would say to you that no matter how hideous things seem now, I firmly believe that things will turn around for you. It may be months, or years, but I know that as I look back on my own life, and to the times when I have perhaps felt that my life is in a mess, or there seems little hope for my situation, I can see in retrospect that I am most certainly on a journey. Whether or not it is a concept of extreme personal spiritual trials, to lead us to a better place as human beings, I don't really know. All I do know is that in my life, as I look back, things do seem to happen for a reason. That often feels like cold comfort when we are in the throes of desperation, and when we feel like we are lost and hurting so dreadfully, but I know it to be true. We are all on a journey of some description, never really knowing what the final destination might be.

Perhaps though, it really doesn't matter exactly where we're going, it's what we do on the way there that shapes us as individuals.

I frankly think that you are an extraordinary person, and spiritually mature in ways that most people never ever even get remotely close to. Your dedication to your cause, your marriage and R are an inspiration to me, and I know to many others on this bb.

Please know that I believe that your reward will be HUGE when it finally comes. It may not always be in the ways that we hope for right now, for we never truly know what is around the corner, or what God's will for us, or the others in our lives might be.
But I do believe that you are a true and good person, and whatever your issues with your H are, please know that nothing stays the same for ever. Our lives are constantly moving and shifting with time, even when at times, it seems inexorably slowly.
It is only human to want to be free of our pain, to want happiness and goodness and fulfillment in our lives. We all deserve to be happy, and I think that you know deep down that you WILL be happy one day. In my better moments, I can hold on to that belief also, and once again I thank you for taking the time and energy to focus on others when your heart is truly breaking.

I would not presume to offer any practical advice, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you on the other side of the world, and I send you love and hope.
Take care, and keep on doing what you're doing. It WILL all come right one day.