you are a woman of grace and dignity. i think this is something learned by one whom lived it -- and you watched. your mother must have been quite a lady. when i read your post i see stregth dignity courage unconditional love and forgiveness.....
she had to of been so very very proud of the woman that she helped to mold.
i greive with you - i really do. this board is a lifeline for so many of us. you have been a life line to me...i can only hope i can give you half as much of the coruage and wisdom that you have given me..
your friend cagzmom
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Trusting you did good with the friend call. I am sure your h meant no disrespect. I am sure his intention was only to offer you help in this difficult time.
If he didn't care, he would not have said anything.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I am hanging on. We went to the church today and made the mass arrangements. It was so hard to see my wonderful father break down and sob. I have never seen him cry.. It hurt so much, but I have learned so much through this.
"for better or worse until death do us part"
I want this. I believe in this. It may or may not be with my ex. I wish that he would have believed in us, like my parents believed in each other. I wish he would have kept his promise. No matter how difficult it gets or what temptations come in your path, a promise especially in front of God should never be broken. Destruction will always follow.
The death of my mother just brings clarity to what works in life and what does not. A relationship built on lies and betrayal will never work. It will never be what my parents had. It will be a miserable existence. You can't be happy destroying others in your path. Some mid-lifers though rather "pretend" they are happy than admit their mistakes. Pride takes over.
My anger toward my ex has subsided. Pity has taken its place. Even though my father is grieving, he is so comforted by the fact that he followed his vows, that he never gave up despite the bad times. His regrets are small, his achievements ease the pain.
Ml'ers will always have those regrets. What a burden to carry. How many sleepless nights they will have. How many tears they eventually will cry when they reflect back on their life. I can't imagine. I can't imagine the guilt.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
My thought and prayers are with you today. On May 6, I went down to take my dad some groceries that I had picked up for him that day and found him sitting in his favorite chair on his sun porch. At first I thought he asleep but he wan't. It is over 3 months but the pain is as real as if it just happened yesterday. I had been taking care of him since his surgery in Oct. and I miss him very much so I know how you are feeling.
Do not worry about you H and how this is affecting him. Take care of yourself, your kids, and most of all your dad. You are so lucky to still have him.
